As we draw near to the end of 2012, I feel God is leading me in a new direction and it is time for this blog (which at one time meant so much to me)...to come to an end. Over the last 3 years, God has healed so many broken places in my life. He has forced me each year to deal with things that I really had no idea were part of what was holding me back from becoming the person that He created me to be. From the unrealized loss of loved ones.....to old memory flashes from things from my childhood. Many of the things that I have dealt with, I didn't know were weighing so heavy on my heart. I didn't realize that they were keeping me from my true destiny. As God has taken each broken place and worked to heal it, he has even worked to clean all of the junk out some old wounds....so that they can heal properly. I am so thankful that God wants me to be whole, instead of continuing to put more bandages on these old wounds. I'm not saying that everything is completely healed, but God has given me some amazing tools and even some amazing relationships that continue to help me heal.
God has shown me over the last 2 months, how important all of the relationships that we have are, whether they are old or new. Each relationship has a purpose in our lives. All relationships fall into one of three categories: REASON, SEASON or LIFETIME. Sometimes, someone is placed in our lives for a specific reason. Maybe the reason is to help us get through something we are dealing with or maybe it is just to teach us some kind of lesson. Sometimes, we have friends that are there during a specific season and then the relationship ends. A season in our life could be our childhood, or our teenage years.... And some friends are friends for a lifetime. I am finding that many of my old relationships tend to fall under that category...in a way that I didn't expect. The more that we put into each of our relationships, the more we will get out them. I have definitely learned what true friends are.
I have come to realize that the person that started this blog in 2009, is no longer me. Yes, on the outside I am the same person(maybe a few years older).....but my heart is different. I am a new person.....a different person. I have a different outlook. I have a different life. I have a different view on so many things in life. Although, this blog will always have a memorable place in my heart....it is time for a new chapter in my life.
Thanks to all of those that have followed my blog and have given me support through the last 3 years. It means the world to me. Stayed tuned.....because I will be starting a new blog that better represents where I am at this point in my life. I pray you have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Blessings.....
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Dreams: A Cherished Hope
Are you who God wants you to be? One thing that I have realized over the last year is how difficult it can be to be the person God created you to be. Sometimes, it is because you don't listen for God's direction. Sometimes it is simply because you don't know what that still small voice even sounds like. Or maybe it is because what God wants for you just doesn't really seem like what you would want for yourself? Either the idea is scary, or it just doesn't feel like it would fit with what you are currently doing. Sometimes things from our past have a way of making us who we are...we listen to the voice that once ruled our every thought. We believe things that are not really truth, because it is easier than believing that we are important and we can make a difference. The truth is.......any of these things can lead down the same path, which to me is the path of disobedience. We ignore God, we pretend that we don't hear Him.....we are really loud and choose to drown out His voice with many things.....some of which may be healthy, but many of which are not....drugs, alcohol, friendships, relationships and even ministry. When we finally get to the place where we feel forced to listen and give up on our own ideas and decide to embrace what God is telling us, there is God patiently waiting on us. I am simply no exception to ignoring God.
Many young girls have dreams of careers and jobs and marriage and kids. God placed dreams in me as a young girl, but the ideas seemed simply ridiculous and too far out of my reach....that I ignored God for 30 some years. I couldn't see how I could possibly ever achieve or reach either one of my dreams. So, I did everything that I could to drown out anything that had to do with my dreams. My two dreams as a little girl were something that I thought would go away over time, but that hasn't happened. If anything my dreams have grown and have become my passion. The first dream was to have a horse, which I will someday accomplish....because not only do I still dream of owning a horse, but I have a daughter that has the same love of horses that I do. My second dream was to sing. I just want to clarify what I mean. I didn't want to be a rockstar by any means....but I just wanted to sing. My first love was country music, but my heart has changed so much. I was only introduced to Christian music shortly before I went back to college. I now love Christian music as much if not more than I ever did country music. After going back to college a few years back and having a completely different major and then God pretty much hitting me over the head to stop ignoring him. I began a degree for music. After going through nearly 2 years at college, God called me home to be with my children to homeschool them. I had homeschooled previous to going to college...and I loved it, but I didn't have much support where we lived, so we chose to put the kids back in the school system. Where we were living now, we had a great deal more support, so this once again became a good option. After not being able to come up with another solution, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God wanted me to withdraw from college. So that is exactly what I did. This was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I was very confused, because I knew I was finally doing what God wanted....so to drop school...didn't make any sense, but I did. It wasn't until sometime later that the opportunity came for me to be part of a new worship service at our church. Although, I initially agreed to take the lead, leading in front of a congregation was one of the most frightening things and it was really difficult at first. I put everyone out there that I could, so that I didn't have to talk. As time went on, I began to feel God prompting me to stand up and do what He had called me to do. I was really freaked out about it, initially. But, God continued to change me into the person that He wanted me to be. After some time, I became the worship leader and was leading many of the songs and even sharing personal stories and bible verses with the congregation. I have never felt my heart so full of God's love, as I did what God asked me to do. Nearly 2 months ago, I felt God's prompting again as God asked me to step down from my position. This was the 2nd hardest thing that God has asked me to do...my heart which once felt so full....was now broken and shattered. But, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that being obedient to God was the only way. I really don't have a clue what God is doing....I wish I did. What I do know, is that God has mighty plans for His people and this world....and sometimes the best thing that we can do.....is just move out of the way!
If there is something difficult that you are going through, you must know that God loves us and is always with us. Sometimes, God uses our struggles to bring us to the place that He wants us to be. He wants us to draw near to Him. In James 4:8-10 it says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." Every step in obedience to God, is a step in the right direction. If you are still fighting God and what He is asking you to do....stop fighting and give up your will to be led by Him. The blessings and the rewards of obedience...no matter how painful it may be.....the end results will be beautiful! It is worth every tear and every sorrow. Psalm 126:5-6 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." May the God who brought you to this place, bring you forth out of the darkness and into His marvelous light. May your joy be complete in Him.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:9-12) God wants us to love others with the same love that He has for us. This type of love is called Agape love. Dictionary.com defines agape love in a couple different ways. 1The love of God or Christ for humankind. 2The love of Christians for other persons, corresponding to the love of God for humankind. 3Unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love. "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."(1 John 4:8) In 1 John 4:16b, it says, "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." We are called to love, because that is what shows others that God is in us. In the book of John shortly before Jesus predicts Peter's denial of Him, Jesus gives us a new command, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."(John 13:34) I don't know about you, but there is nothing more powerful than sharing Christ's agape love with one another. If you are protecting yourself from the pain and hurt, by not loving....you are also denying yourself the joy and hope that you can gain by sharing Christ's love. Do you know someone that is hurting and needs God? The best thing that you could do is show them love, like that which you have from God. As you love others and draw near to the Lord, you will feel a peace that you can't have without God. Only in His presence will you experience the peace that passes all understanding. The Lord has a plan for each of our lives. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jeremiah 29:11) As we choose to be obedient, He will shows us the path to take. He will guide our steps, if we allow Him to. Every step in obedience, is a step in the right direction. Choose to be obedient today and move out of God's way!
"You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence."(Acts 2:28)
Many young girls have dreams of careers and jobs and marriage and kids. God placed dreams in me as a young girl, but the ideas seemed simply ridiculous and too far out of my reach....that I ignored God for 30 some years. I couldn't see how I could possibly ever achieve or reach either one of my dreams. So, I did everything that I could to drown out anything that had to do with my dreams. My two dreams as a little girl were something that I thought would go away over time, but that hasn't happened. If anything my dreams have grown and have become my passion. The first dream was to have a horse, which I will someday accomplish....because not only do I still dream of owning a horse, but I have a daughter that has the same love of horses that I do. My second dream was to sing. I just want to clarify what I mean. I didn't want to be a rockstar by any means....but I just wanted to sing. My first love was country music, but my heart has changed so much. I was only introduced to Christian music shortly before I went back to college. I now love Christian music as much if not more than I ever did country music. After going back to college a few years back and having a completely different major and then God pretty much hitting me over the head to stop ignoring him. I began a degree for music. After going through nearly 2 years at college, God called me home to be with my children to homeschool them. I had homeschooled previous to going to college...and I loved it, but I didn't have much support where we lived, so we chose to put the kids back in the school system. Where we were living now, we had a great deal more support, so this once again became a good option. After not being able to come up with another solution, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God wanted me to withdraw from college. So that is exactly what I did. This was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I was very confused, because I knew I was finally doing what God wanted....so to drop school...didn't make any sense, but I did. It wasn't until sometime later that the opportunity came for me to be part of a new worship service at our church. Although, I initially agreed to take the lead, leading in front of a congregation was one of the most frightening things and it was really difficult at first. I put everyone out there that I could, so that I didn't have to talk. As time went on, I began to feel God prompting me to stand up and do what He had called me to do. I was really freaked out about it, initially. But, God continued to change me into the person that He wanted me to be. After some time, I became the worship leader and was leading many of the songs and even sharing personal stories and bible verses with the congregation. I have never felt my heart so full of God's love, as I did what God asked me to do. Nearly 2 months ago, I felt God's prompting again as God asked me to step down from my position. This was the 2nd hardest thing that God has asked me to do...my heart which once felt so full....was now broken and shattered. But, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that being obedient to God was the only way. I really don't have a clue what God is doing....I wish I did. What I do know, is that God has mighty plans for His people and this world....and sometimes the best thing that we can do.....is just move out of the way!
If there is something difficult that you are going through, you must know that God loves us and is always with us. Sometimes, God uses our struggles to bring us to the place that He wants us to be. He wants us to draw near to Him. In James 4:8-10 it says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." Every step in obedience to God, is a step in the right direction. If you are still fighting God and what He is asking you to do....stop fighting and give up your will to be led by Him. The blessings and the rewards of obedience...no matter how painful it may be.....the end results will be beautiful! It is worth every tear and every sorrow. Psalm 126:5-6 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." May the God who brought you to this place, bring you forth out of the darkness and into His marvelous light. May your joy be complete in Him.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:9-12) God wants us to love others with the same love that He has for us. This type of love is called Agape love. Dictionary.com defines agape love in a couple different ways. 1The love of God or Christ for humankind. 2The love of Christians for other persons, corresponding to the love of God for humankind. 3Unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love. "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."(1 John 4:8) In 1 John 4:16b, it says, "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." We are called to love, because that is what shows others that God is in us. In the book of John shortly before Jesus predicts Peter's denial of Him, Jesus gives us a new command, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."(John 13:34) I don't know about you, but there is nothing more powerful than sharing Christ's agape love with one another. If you are protecting yourself from the pain and hurt, by not loving....you are also denying yourself the joy and hope that you can gain by sharing Christ's love. Do you know someone that is hurting and needs God? The best thing that you could do is show them love, like that which you have from God. As you love others and draw near to the Lord, you will feel a peace that you can't have without God. Only in His presence will you experience the peace that passes all understanding. The Lord has a plan for each of our lives. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jeremiah 29:11) As we choose to be obedient, He will shows us the path to take. He will guide our steps, if we allow Him to. Every step in obedience, is a step in the right direction. Choose to be obedient today and move out of God's way!
"You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence."(Acts 2:28)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
ALONE by Jenielle(written 9-20-92)
As I wallow in that which is so unfamiliar, I realize that I am alone. There is not one soul, who is here with me. I am a foreigner in a place that is not to be called my own. I have a heart, which is lost in this place that is so different. As I am alone, I feel no peace with myself. But my heart feels hope, although it continues to feel hurt. I see a road, full of new beginnings, of light in a place which is so dark. I hear the soft melody playing as the flowers begin to dance in the brightness. I smell the roses, which perk my nostrils, as the aroma lightens my day. From one extreme to another, it is difficult to see the light which is up ahead. The pain which burns my heart, is yet so strong, but the love which is inside, will help me hold on. To each day, I see happiness, and the eve, I see joy, for without the hope of freedom, my heart would be destroyed!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Oaks of Righteousness(part 2)
As I was reading through my previous posts today, I came across this post. Something about it screamed at me....that it needed to be continued. It is truly amazing to me the chains that I have been able to break through, since the original post nearly two years ago. God has changed me and healed me from things that I never dreamed possible, even from things that I didn't know were keeping me in bondage. The beginning of this year, marks another time of struggle for me....as God has laid before me things that He wants me to deal with from my past. I have come to realize that running from things only makes them bigger and more painful when you deal with them.
I learned from the Beth Moore Breaking Free bible study, that she truly believes that in order for us to move forward, we must have courage. We must be ready to fight and stand up and change the future, by not repeating the past. We must be willing to 'break free' of unhealthy habits and make choices by 'love and not loyalty'. After I did this bible study, I was able to realize that it is possible to rebuild the ancient ruins. Isaiah 61:4 reads, "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations." I feel like this verse actually gives me the permission to make the choices that are necessary to protect my family from the devastation and guide them to a healthier life. I don't want to remain in the bondage that I have been in all these years. Nor do I want to pass down these things to future generations. I want us to be free to be exceptional, just as God has called each of us to be according to Jeremiah 18:11b. "So turn from your evil ways, each one of you, and reform your ways and your actions."
Once again, I continued to be amazed at how God continues to reveal specific places in my life, where I remain in bondage. This is something God has been working on with me for at least a few years now. Experience after experience, he opens doors that were closed or places that were stored away that I was truly unaware of. There is nothing more precious to me than my freedom, from the things that have held me captive all of my life. Even memories from my life(bad & good) have caused me to live in bondage, for reasons that I couldn't understand, until recently. God continues to give me the courage and strength to push forward and heal, even when the pain is more than I can bear. God wants each of us to be free!
I recently painted this oak tree on my office wall and added the following verse. In Isaiah 61:3b it says, "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." God wants us to be free so that he can enjoy us. He doesn't want us
to be captive. I don't know about you, but I would love to be viewed as
a beautiful tree. I believe this is the way that God views us. He views all of us as beautiful, even when we can't see it. As we struggle to be free from things that hold us captive, we can choose to build firm roots by leaning on our family, friends and the word of God. Our relationship with God will help to give us the strength and courage to break free. We must take time to be still and listen and not be anxious. 1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
All trees are beautiful, but old oak trees have a special place in my heart. I find old oak trees amazingly beautiful. I believe that each of us can be compared with an oak tree. God made each of us so different, just as each old oak is completely different. Yet, we were each created for a specific purpose. God loves us and gave each of us unique gifts & talents, that fit with the individual plan that he has for each of our lives. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Believe it or not, God really does have an amazing plan for all of us. I have been blessed to have small glimpses of this plan over the last few years. But, I have also learned that being obedient is the only way to receive what God's best is for you. You can't get to God's best on your own. You must be obedient to what He asks you to do....even if it means giving up dreams or things that you love and feel called to do. I am going to cling to this verse as I choose to follow God's request to step away from things. In John 14:27 it says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." God's reward will be better than what you could imagine giving up....believe me, I know!
God wants each of us to be planted by truth, so that we can grow and be beautiful. This is not our own truth, but the truth of his word, the Bible. We can't believe the lies that we have always believed. You are worthless. You don't deserve to be happy. You will never amount to anything. You won't have a long healthy life. You will never change. You will continue to hurt people. You will never be loved the way you want to be. These are just some of the lies, that Satan tells us. We can't fall into the same unhealthy traps. We must be firmly planted in his truth. "Then.......the truth will set you free." John 8:32
We must stand up for what we believe in, and not be persuaded by loyalty, but by LOVE! We must NOT doubt the love that God has for us! We must trust and know that we are forgiven, even when we aren't ready to forgive ourselves. Nobody is perfect....we are ALL, only perfect sinners! We must move forward knowing that we have the ability to do things differently with the strength of God.
God has a specific purpose for YOU in this lifetime! If you never seek to figure out what that purpose is, then you will never know, the amazing blessings that God has for you! Don't let history, be the deciding factor for your future! My desire is that everyone would strive to be become the beautiful oak tree that God desires us to be. My prayer is that each of you would be able to experience what God's best is for YOU!
I learned from the Beth Moore Breaking Free bible study, that she truly believes that in order for us to move forward, we must have courage. We must be ready to fight and stand up and change the future, by not repeating the past. We must be willing to 'break free' of unhealthy habits and make choices by 'love and not loyalty'. After I did this bible study, I was able to realize that it is possible to rebuild the ancient ruins. Isaiah 61:4 reads, "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations." I feel like this verse actually gives me the permission to make the choices that are necessary to protect my family from the devastation and guide them to a healthier life. I don't want to remain in the bondage that I have been in all these years. Nor do I want to pass down these things to future generations. I want us to be free to be exceptional, just as God has called each of us to be according to Jeremiah 18:11b. "So turn from your evil ways, each one of you, and reform your ways and your actions."
Once again, I continued to be amazed at how God continues to reveal specific places in my life, where I remain in bondage. This is something God has been working on with me for at least a few years now. Experience after experience, he opens doors that were closed or places that were stored away that I was truly unaware of. There is nothing more precious to me than my freedom, from the things that have held me captive all of my life. Even memories from my life(bad & good) have caused me to live in bondage, for reasons that I couldn't understand, until recently. God continues to give me the courage and strength to push forward and heal, even when the pain is more than I can bear. God wants each of us to be free!
All trees are beautiful, but old oak trees have a special place in my heart. I find old oak trees amazingly beautiful. I believe that each of us can be compared with an oak tree. God made each of us so different, just as each old oak is completely different. Yet, we were each created for a specific purpose. God loves us and gave each of us unique gifts & talents, that fit with the individual plan that he has for each of our lives. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Believe it or not, God really does have an amazing plan for all of us. I have been blessed to have small glimpses of this plan over the last few years. But, I have also learned that being obedient is the only way to receive what God's best is for you. You can't get to God's best on your own. You must be obedient to what He asks you to do....even if it means giving up dreams or things that you love and feel called to do. I am going to cling to this verse as I choose to follow God's request to step away from things. In John 14:27 it says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." God's reward will be better than what you could imagine giving up....believe me, I know!
God wants each of us to be planted by truth, so that we can grow and be beautiful. This is not our own truth, but the truth of his word, the Bible. We can't believe the lies that we have always believed. You are worthless. You don't deserve to be happy. You will never amount to anything. You won't have a long healthy life. You will never change. You will continue to hurt people. You will never be loved the way you want to be. These are just some of the lies, that Satan tells us. We can't fall into the same unhealthy traps. We must be firmly planted in his truth. "Then.......the truth will set you free." John 8:32
We must stand up for what we believe in, and not be persuaded by loyalty, but by LOVE! We must NOT doubt the love that God has for us! We must trust and know that we are forgiven, even when we aren't ready to forgive ourselves. Nobody is perfect....we are ALL, only perfect sinners! We must move forward knowing that we have the ability to do things differently with the strength of God.
God has a specific purpose for YOU in this lifetime! If you never seek to figure out what that purpose is, then you will never know, the amazing blessings that God has for you! Don't let history, be the deciding factor for your future! My desire is that everyone would strive to be become the beautiful oak tree that God desires us to be. My prayer is that each of you would be able to experience what God's best is for YOU!
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