Memories...

The past few weeks have been filled with new memories and the reminder of many old, but not forgotten memories. California is where I was born and raised and spent 23 years becoming this person that I am. It was all of the events of this time, that helped to shape and form me into who I am. There are not a lot of people that played key roles in my life. Some of the most precious memories that I have of my childhood took place at my grandparents home. I remember all of the time that I spent during the summers visiting. I also remember all of the miles that my brother and I rode on our bikes with my Grandpappy(and Grandmother some) around their neighborhoods. Those were some of the memories that I will hang on to and cherish forever. As this trip is quickly drawing to a close, I am trying to hold tight to those memories. Although, I am somewhat anxious to return home and get back into a routine....I am also torn up inside at the thought of leaving my family, especially my grandparents. It has been a year and a half since we were here the last time and I am uncertain when we will be able to return again. My grandparents are not getting any younger and my grandfather's health is quickly declining. He is 93 years old. This is the reason that this trip has been so difficult and important for me. I feel so blessed to have had them in my life for as long as I have. Thank you, Jesus! I don't think that I could ever repay half of what they have given to me over my 36 years. They are the most amazing grandparents EVER! I pray that I will have just some of the wisdom and love that they have bestowed upon me and my family for my grandchildren in the future. God bless them!

Going through the Motions.......

Well, it looks like we are going to be remaining dairy free. Each time that we tried to add dairy back into our diet, we were unsuccessful. It is amazing all the new products that you find out exist, when you are faced with the challenge of dairy free. Life is such an exciting adventure with new challenges always around the corner. I am feeling extremely blessed these days that we were able to be able to figure out that dairy was causing a problem with our family. My original plan was to eliminate gluten, but I was told that it would be more difficult. I know this is probably true, but I guess maybe I wasn't ready to let go of dairy. I think that I am ready now. As we journey through this adventure of ELIMINATION....I continue to discover who is really in control. Although, I may think that I have control. I am constantly reminded that God is the one in control, not me. As scary as it, I find that as I let go of each thing.....it becomes less challenging to do so. God continues to show me where and how I am to move forward. He continues to be my strength everyday, without HIM...I would be nothing !

This year has gone by so quickly. It's hard to believe that we are nearly at Thanksgiving. A song comes to mind today, as I ponder what Thanksgiving really means to me. The song is by Matthew West and it is called Motions. In this song, he talks about how he doesn't want to just go through the motions in life. The song says, "I don't want to spend my whole life asking, what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?" The more I ponder this song, I believe it brings me back to the whole reason that I started this blog to begin with. I started this blog, because my desire is to be like the wild horses that run free and without fear. This is how I desire to live my life, free and without fear. I have always said you only get one chance at life, you might as well make it the best that you can. We only have one life to live, I don't want to live in fear of anything. I want to live my life fully engaged with my family, friends and God.

Thanksgiving is such an amazing time of the year. There are numerous gatherings for friends and family to relax and enjoy one another. The main idea behind Thanksgiving is that we remember all of those things that we have to be thankful for. God has blessed me so richly this year! I have been blessed with a wonderful family! God has renewed some old friendships and brought me many new friends. Without the unconditional love and prayers of these friends, I would be lost. I have even been fortunate enough to reconnect with my cousins that I haven't seen since I was a child. I also truly believe that our dairy allergy is a blessing in disguise! This new allergy has given us the opportunity to find new dishes that are fun and exciting. I guess you could say that we are learning how to cook a whole new way. We have found so many great new recipes that we wouldn't have found otherwise. Besides the new food aspect, it has been nice to see the changes in each of us. These changes have also strengthened our family bonds. Another blessing in disguise was having to put my schooling on hold, God has shown me the benefits of this change and multiplied the blessings from it. Sometimes, I really don't understand the things that God asks of me.....but I have just learned that it is easier to comply than to fight it. I am just so thankful that I have made it to yet another Thanksgiving and God has blessed us so greatly! I pray that God will bless each and every one of you throughout the next year...Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Feelings about food allergies.....

I have been thinking a great deal about how everything in our society stems around gathering for food, and just sharing meals with others in general. Although sharing a meal would seem a simple thing, there are millions of people who suffer from food allergies, making this task complicated. I pray that those who deal with food allergies will be accepted and not feel misunderstood this Thanksgiving season. It is tough for all those involved, but allergies can cause people to be miserable before they are discovered. I feel blessed to have been able to figure out some of our allergies. Hopefully, over the next year we will be able to discover all of the foods that our bodies react to. I know this lifestyle is not for everyone, but it is a change that our family desired. We are all happy with the results so far!

As a family, we began this journey to help one of our children. In the process, we have discovered that food allergies were causing things that we didn't even know about. Our elimination diet has been an interesting journey so far. When you eat foods that you are allergic to for years, your body gets used to the affects that it has on you. Once you eliminate these foods and try to put them back into your body, they are rejected. This type of rejection comes in many forms, depending on the person. Sometimes the reaction even comes in the form of behavior(hyperactivity, anger, lack of focus, emotional, etc.). Some people will react with headaches. Some people react with stomach pain. A more severe reaction is tightness of the throat, which is a little more frightening. Fortunately, I am the only one that seems to have experienced that. I guess maybe I should be happy about that, but this isn't the first time that I have experienced it. I was in the hospital on Mother's Day this year, because of the very same feeling...that just wouldn't go away. I was never really told what caused it, but through this diet I believe now that it must have been something that I had eaten. Not every person will be sensitive to these things. But in a family where allergies are present, these sensitivities generally are present in most members, if not all. We have also discovered that the longer we remain on Stage 1, the faster that each of us react to foods we are allergic to.

We have had two or three tests, since the initial dairy testing. We haven't been very successful with some test, and with others we will need to retest. One thing that I know for certain is that non-organic dairy milk is not something that we can handle. We may try organic and see if there is a difference, but we won't be trying regular milk again. We did try cheese, but some reacted. After trying the cheese, I realized there is natural annatto coloring in the cheese, which can cause reactions in some people. I had wondered why some of the kids had reacted to some suckers that contained the same ingredient. We will retest this later, to be sure. We have tried sour cream, which was rather unsuccessful. The sour cream we tried was not organic, which might make a difference. We are just trying to use up the stuff that we already have. I did find some things that can replace sour cream in recipes. We tried replacing the sour cream a few days prior to the sour cream test and it worked great! We didn't really notice a change in flavor. We still have so many things to test, but it is so difficult when everyone keeps reacting. We have been waiting for reactions to clear before trying something new. Otherwise, it would be difficult to tell what we are reacting to. Our allergies so far are from molasses, malted barley(which has so many other derivatives), and dairy milk. We are avoiding sulfa, due to my severe allergy. We are also avoiding Corn Syrup and High Fructose Corn Syrup, because it can contribute to hyperactivity. We are unsure about brown sugar, because it can contain molasses and we have reactions that we believe are related. We haven't tried the brand that doesn't contain molasses, that many with molasses allergies can still use. We suspect honey, but we are avoiding it until we finish the other testing. We suspect pineapples, but will retest to be sure. I don't know what everyone else thinks, but I find it fascinating the links between food allergies and our bodies.

We have been blessed with some great friends and family that have been so supportive through all of this. Even though, I am sure that they think that we are crazy! I guess that no one really knows how things are in other people's homes, when they don't live there. Our kids are wonderful kids! We have definitely had our struggles with each of them. It is so nice to actually have days where the meanness and anger, tears and sheer frustration are not apart of what is happening in our house. The next few months are sure to bring more changes, as we continue to figure out what each of us are sensitive too. As with the dairy surprise, I am sure that the other changes will be positive too!

I know for sure that my anger and frustration is completely linked with food. I have been able to be so even tempered, even when my children are mad and annoyed with me. I love that I can be who God created me to be, just by listening to my body and what it tells me! This is huge, since for nearly this whole year, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was taking tons of vitamins and trying to eat healthy, but yet...I still felt terrible and didn't understand why. God has worked a small miracle as far as I am concerned! He has given me tools to figure out things that I didn't have any idea how to fix. I went to the doctor and had test after test, but they all continued to tell me that nothing was wrong. I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't know how to fix it. I now know more about myself than any test could have ever told me. God used my child to open my eyes and inform me....and I will be forever grateful for that. Thank you, Jesus!

Welcome and Unexpected changes

Well, it has been 2 weeks since we initially started testing dairy. It has definitely been interesting! The first week was somewhat of a challenge, with our new milk being Vanilla Rice Milk and not cow's milk. It was also a bit challenging finding new meals, that didn't contain dairy, except milk(since we could substitute the rice milk). We have learned that we do not notice a big difference in our meals that we substitute with Original Rice milk. We have come up with some pretty creative things during the last week. I won't go in to that! :) Since we are still limited to stage one, until after we figure out exactly what dairy products we are allergic to, we haven't tried to introduce anything with tomatoes(stage 2). We are hoping to get sour cream, cream cheese, cheese and whipping cream tested before Thanksgiving. We are also hoping to be able to test cranberries and grapes before Thanksgiving too. Thanksgiving is the only time of year we have an amazing Cranberry salad with both cranberries and grapes and a few other items.

Since my last post, we have also been able to identify *something* that was causing a problem. The culprit was MOLASSES. In many organic foods, Corn Syrup and High Frutcose Corn Syrup and not used, instead other natural sweetners are used. Molasses was sneaky, but we finally tracked it down. After making some amazing Banana Bran Bread, everyone reacted(even Chance). I knew that we had made a break through. Because we have been on Stage One for a little over 8 weeks, our reactions occur pretty quick. They usually do not last more than a day, for most of us. We were able to narrow the reaction down to the molasses in the Bran muffin mix. I had some other unanswered reactions, charted on everyone's lists. I was unaware of what they were from, until I did a little research on the Feingold message board. I was able to discover that some peanut butters contain molasses. It just so happens that Jiff is the one we have and it contains molasses. This matched up with numerous incidents(reactions) that I had unexplained on my charting. After doing a little more research, I was able to determine that brown sugar also contains molasses. This two matched up with some other incidents. There is one brand of peanut butter, that I learned doesn't list molasses. We will try that one soon, but probably not before we get through the dairy testing a new stage 2 food testing. Every time we have a reaction, it delays us being able to test something new. I would like to just stick to the safe stuff and not take any chances, until we get the stuff tested that we need to. We did test cheese tonight, but it is really too soon for me to speculate as to how that test went. We should know more in a few days.

The whole purpose for my post today, is to express my joy in the little unexpected changes. In all of the changes that have occurred, something that was completely unexpected has happened. My oldest son has always struggled with temper and anger issues, has recently discovered that he feels different since stopping dairy. He told me this morning, that he always thought that he got his temper from both his mom and dad, but now he believes that it was an allergy. I have noticed a *HUGE* change in him. I was beginning to wonder if this would ever happen. I noticed changes in the others pretty quickly. Nothing really seemed to be changing for him, for the most part. In the last week, my angry child who has struggled with being nice has become so different. I can't even explain it. He is actually helping me and has become just really loving and sweet(not that he wasn't inside, but that rarely showed). At first, I thought it was my imagination....but when he brought it to my attention today. I knew it was real. I am just so amazed! Thank you, Jesus!

So, I guess that I will close for now. I will keep you all posted as to the changes as they occur. Life is too short to waste a single day with regrets. Make the most of each day. You only have one life to live....why not make it the best that you possibly can!

Our first big testing....

Well, it has been about a week since I last blogged. We past our one week mark for elimination of dairy. This morning we decided to test milk back into our diet. We all had high hopes. I am not sure that today was all that we had hoped for. At this point, we have determined that all four of the kids reacted to the reintroduction of milk. It appears from our first test that this is a dairy allergy of some sort that we are dealing with. We experienced numerous different symptoms as reactions today. Some of the symptoms included stomach pain, headaches, feeling emotionally out of control, and hyperactivity or wildness. We are not done with our testing. Everyone was happy to go back to the Vanilla Rice Milk tonight. The boys have been home with sore throats and coughs, because they haven't been feeling good. They should be returning to school in the morning. Sydney hasn't felt well the last two days and has been home also. We will try again with some other type of dairy(cream cheese, sour cream, cheese, etc.) in 3 or 4 days, after this reaction has some time to go away. Through my research, I have learned that there are different types of milk protein and they might be allergic to a certain one and not all of them. So, we will test different dairy products until we have a good idea of what works and what doesn't. Some friends I have talked with, have even been able to have milk, if it is heated(like in a casserole). I am definitely learning so much about how food can be linked to so many behaviors. I would have never believed it, if I hadn't watched it with my own eyes.

We will also soon be testing in some stage 2 foods. We are all looking forward to adding some much missed foods to our diet(like berries). Hopefully, we will have better luck with those! :) Well, I pray all is well with all of you!

What is your purpose?

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do? I wonder that all that all the time. Have you ever wondered if you were doing what you were supposed to be doing? How do we know if we are truly doing what we are supposed to?

Life is filled with so many changes....the most important thing is how we deal with all of the changes that we go through. It seems to me that we really only have two choices. The first choice is to ignore the changes and fight them the whole way. Or, the second choice is to embrace the changes and find a way to make them work the best in every situation. You may be wondering where I am going with this. Well, I am one that has always tried to find a way to find the positive in every situation. Sometimes, I am sure that it might be irritating to others, but it was something that I was blessed with. I believe that all of us were blessed with gifts. Each of us has qualities that we were given to contribute to this world, in order to make it a better place. Do you know what your gifts are? How do you plan to make this world a better place? Do you even think that we can change the world? My answer is YES! We can change the world. We can change the world one person at a time.

Everyday we have opportunities for changes other's lives. Did you know that a simple smile to someone may change their life forever? You just never know what might be going on in their life. How hard is it to say a kind word and smile at someone? Challenge yourself to one simple thing a day, whether it be a smile, a note in the mail, or a phone call. Try just one deed a day and see what happens. You never know when your small deed might affect someone in a much greater way than you could imagine.

Unexpected Turns in the Road......

Well, it has been a really long time since I blogged. I guess it is time for me to fill you in on some details that have changed drastically in my family's life.

First of all, approximately one week before I was to return to College fulltime for the Fall semester....I came across a bump...that thwarted me from that journey. I discovered over the summer that Audrianna was struggling with being able to focus in school. When school started for the kids in August, I discovered that my once happy-go-lucky sweet girl was very upset and struggling more than I ever knew. She couldn't seem to be able to keep herself focused on her work, without the world pulling her away. The week before school started she began to tell me how much she would really like to be homeschooled. This was a path she was familiar with, because we had homeschooled 4 years prior to this. At the same time, during the summer God had begun to work on my heart. He had again returned the love of homeschooling to me, that I once had. After just two days and hours of homework in the evening and morning, the solution was obvious. The only problem was the answer that I was seeking didn't seem to come, just the answer that I already knew.....and that was that I was suppose to homeschool her. It wasn't that I didn't want to homeschool her. I was just having a difficult time giving up what I loved and that was learning and getting my degree.

By Thursday(day 4), I had fully engaged this decision and by the afternoon I had spoken with all 4 of my kids and given each of them the decision to come home or stay where they were. Everyone decided that they would like to remain at the Lutheran School. On Friday, I informed the school and Audrianna was able to say good-bye to her classmates. I spent the day at the college dropping out and talking to my professors about what was going on. It was a really rough day, but I made it through...with God's strength.

We started our homeschooling journey on August 17, 2009. We have good days and bad days, which is to be expected in any situation. Her focus has improved and continues to improve, due to some more changes that we are going through.

After a great deal of research, we decided to implement a new eating plan for our family. All of the information that I researched led me back to the same place and that place is www.feingold.org. This company believes(as do I) that there is a link between the food that we eat and behavior. This company is also a non-proft organization. From the company, you get information that helps you to remove all of the harmful preservatives and artificials that are in our food. These preservatives are used to keep the food in the stores longer. The problem is that many adults and children are sensitive to these chemicals. These preservatives are made with petroleum. Petroleum is for cars, not for us! You may think this is crazy and yes it is crazy! What is even more crazy is that the government knows about this and won't do anything about it. These same artificial colors, flavors, and sweetners have been removed in other countries, but not in ours. What is wrong with that picture? Okay, I am done complaining about the government. The research is clear that there is a HUGE link between Behavioral, Learning/Development, & Health/Physical reactions to artificial colors, flavors, sweetners, BHA, BHT, & TBHQ.

The Program is basically an elimination diet, consisting of 2 stages. The first stage helps you remove all of the above harmful items, plus a certain amount of natural salicylates. Salicylates are naturally found in many fruits and veggies. Salicylates are things that people that are allergy sensitive, tend to be allergic too. The first stage is approximately 4-6 weeks, but it really depends on when you or your family stop having reactions and become stable on stage one. This really will depend on how faithful and consistent that you are with the program. It is different for everyone. If you are still having symptoms when you reach the 4-6 week mark, you must continue until you have determined what is causing the problem.

This is the point that we are at. We reached the four week mark of charting. You chart each meal and reactions such as: physical or behavioral symptoms for each person. It is amazing how you can track down specific things that bother each person. Currently, we are trying to figure out why Jaden continues to have a rash on his face. We have been consistently charting for 4 weeks and having changed our diets, personal products(such as toothpaste, soaps, shampoos, etc.), but he continues to have a rash around his mouth. I know that we need to figure this out before we move on. After some research and some advice from fellow Feingolders, we have decided to remove dairy for one week and see if his symptoms improve and then we will reintroduce and see what happens. We started on Saturday, but a slight glitch has caused us to restart our week again this morning. We are currently drinking Vanilla Rice Milk, which isn't that bad once you get used to it. Hopefully, this will be temporary....but we all know that the possibility exists that somebody just might be allergic or even lactose intolerant. We will just have to wait and see. The changes in the children have all been noticeable, somedays they are more apparent than others. Reactions are my least favorite part of all of this, but I am learning that they expose the changes....that I didn't notice at first! It is amazing when the old behaviors return with a reaction, when I was questioning if there were changes at all. I would love to give anyone more information about this amazing diet plan. Please feel free to ask anything!

A New Journey....

I have decided to approach my blogging as a way to express myself. The title and purpose for my blog came to me after searching through my music. If you know anything about me, you know that my love of music is what drives me. When I was nearly ready to give up hope, I came across a song, "Wild Horses", by Natasha Bedingfield....that I feel represents where I am headed or more importantly how I intend to get there. If you are familiar with the song, you may be wondering how I could relate to this song. Well, I am going to tell you.



When the song starts, there is a feeling of life not being what you expected it to. You may be feeling like you have hit a brick wall and you want to make changes. You are sure that things could be different, but you just don't know how. I have felt this way many times. Whether from bad choices, or just from lack of direction. These feelings can be overwhelming and sometimes even frightening....but there is hope!



Then the song changes and it begins to talk about greener pastures. In my mind, greener pastures would be referring to the positive changes that can be made to make things brighter. Life doesn't always have to seem so overwhelming. There is no need to go far away, because hope is right around the corner. All that you have to do it believe!



These changes are possible when you let go of the things that hold you back. Run freely like the wild horses! Don't be afraid of things to come.... Don't be afraid to let go of your fears.... Don't be afraid to forgive.... Don't be afraid to be the person that you are supposed to be.... Look in the mirror and see the person that you are, not just who you want to be....and stop living in fear! Don't let fear be the fence that holds you back from your dreams....and destroys your hope!



Live your life to the fullest, as though each day is your last! Make the most of everything! Don't have regrets, because at one time....each choice was something that you wanted! Don't lose hope, because it brings joy for each tomorrow! Don't be afraid of failure, because it is only a small stepping stone for success!



I wanna be like the Wild Horses and run freely through my life without fear or limitations......for the only limitations that I have, are those that I place on myself....