DEPLOYMENT...From a Soldier's Eyes

This story is a tribute to my husband, who is my hero in so many ways.  A loving father, husband and man of God.....he wrote this for a speech class.  Last Thursday, his professor mentioned speaking about something that they could easily talk about any time.  When he spoke with his professor, this was the example that was close to his heart. This is the speech that he chose last Thursday.  He wrote this on Monday, before he found out on Tuesday that he would indeed be deploying in just a few days.  His class was supposed to take place tonight, but instead he will be on a plane shipping out to go help fight for our freedom.  May God bless all those soldiers who are away from their families!!!

     A military deployment is commonly associated solely around the military member. The orders, training, family readiness, the deployment, the pictures on TV, and then the homecoming. What is commonly forgotten is the family at home and those who help.

     Every deployment begins with goodbyes. With every goodbye come tears. With every goodbye comes a child refusing to let go of the departing soldier. With every goodbye comes uncertainty. With every goodbye a parent becomes a single parent. With every goodbye comes the not knowing when you will hear from the departing soldier again.

     Deployments help bring out the Body of Christ, surrounding the family, to life. The Body of Christ consists of:  The mother of seven willingly takes on four more children to give the spouse time to recharge and relax.  The couple that willingly offers to take the kids one Sunday afternoon, to help them make Mother’s Day special for the spouse left behind. Or the group of gentlemen who after a long distance phone call, dropped what they were doing and came to the aid of the family left behind. The main source of transportation had developed a serious problem. The group of gentlemen came, picked up the vehicle, repaired it, and delivered it back to the family refusing payment for the parts or labor. What about the neighbor, without being asked, who stepped into the father role and taught the children how to properly use the lawnmower. Then, there are the two couples that graciously agreed to step in, at a moment’s notice, in the event of an emergency and care for the children, until the soldier could come home. Don’t forget the retired soldier who recognized the need of the small child, multiple times at church. The retired soldier picked up the child, held the child, and comforted the child like a father would. The young child when asked why he wanted the retired soldier to hold him, just simply said he wanted a dad like person. 

     Deployments do not end when the soldier comes home. There is the awkward readjustment time that follows every deployment. The soldier simply can’t walk back into the family life and pick up where they left off. That single parent becomes a dual parent, as quickly as they became a single parent. Small children are sometimes scared and afraid, especially if the soldier has been gone for a long time. You see, the family is accustomed to operating without the soldier, and the soldier might have a hard time finding their place fitting back into the family.      

     This story and similar ones like it are played out every day, some where in the military world. Deployments are much more than simply the soldier leaving. Deployments are about families helping other families and carrying the burden of life, so that while the soldier is away protecting our great nation he doesn’t have to worry about his family too.

Thank you to the many families who have been faithful in blessing our family over the last 15 years.  You will never know how much your love and dedication to supporting us has meant to each of us.  God bless each and everyone of you!!!  

IHeart Organizing Giveaway!!!

I found a great blog that is dedicated to organizing called IHeart Organizing.  She has some fresh amazing ideas to get your spaces organized. 

IHeart Organizing is having a Giveaway of two new label makers like the one below.  This is called a DYMO LabelManager 260P.  

 

So go to the IHeart Organizing blog and enter to win an amazing label maker.  The contest is from now until the 9pm central time on 3/17/2011.  It is super easy to enter the Giveaway.  Follow this link Label Maker Giveaway.  Good luck and blessings to you!!!
                    

Baking Day-Gluten Free Oatmeal Maple Bread

Well, a few weeks ago I had an all day baking day on February 27th.  If I could have squeezed in a few more things....I would have done just that.  We were due for another loaf of bread, or two.  I made some yummy carob brownies for the kiddos and my hubby.  I also made some Morning Glory Muffins for the kids and my hubby for breakfast a few weeks ago.  I suppose you are probably wondering why, I didn't eat any.  It isn't that I didn't want to, but I used agave in both recipes which I am not sure if it will bother me or not.  My face & neck are clearing up and I am just not at the point where I want to have anymore setbacks.  In less than a week, both my hubby and myself start the whole birthday rounds thing that we do from March through July.  I really would like to have a chocolate cake, but if I am still detoxing....that will not be a possibility.  So, I am limiting my intake of anything that could cause a potential problem.  I decided it was time to treat my family to some goodies regardless of where I am food wise.  

I believe that I have found a great GF Bread recipe.  I am not exactly where I found this recipe, but I have found the same recipe.  It looks different than what I have, but the ingredients and directions are the same.  So I am going to link to it.  

The recipe is as follows:

 

Gluten Free Dairy Free Oatmeal Maple Bread 

2  cups brown rice flour, preferably super-fine grind(I used Bob's Red Mill)

1  cup gluten-free oat flour(I used Bob's Red Mill) 

1½  cups sorghum flour or millet flour(I used sorghum both times) 

1  cup tapioca starch/flour(I used Bob's Red Mill) 

½  cup potato starch(I used Bob's Red Mill) 

½  cup sweet rice flour(I used Ener-G) 

2  packages (2¼ teaspoons each) active dry yeast(we use Redstar-because it is corn free and malted barley free) 

1  tablespoon + 1 teaspoon xanthan gum(I used Bob's Red Mill)  

1  tablespoon salt 

5  eggs, room temperature(I use cage free organic eggs) 

4  tablespoons maple syrup or amber agave nectar(I have tried maple syrup & pure honey) 

½ cup shortening or non-dairy margarine, melted(I’ve used Earth Balance soy free & Spectrum shortening-both with good results) 

2½ cups milk(So Delicious Coconut, Rice Dream), warm to 110 to 120 degrees

1  egg white, lightly beaten with a fork (to brush tops of loaves)

½  cup gluten-free oats(I use organic oats)

1. Prepare two 9-inch bread pans (or two 8-inch bread pans and 6 muffin tins) by greasing well and dusting with brown rice flour. Set aside.

2. Place brown rice flour, oat flour, sorghum flour, tapioca starch/flour, potato starch, sweet rice flour, dry yeast, xanthan gum and salt into the mixing bowl of a stand mixer with a paddle attachment. Mix on low for a few seconds just to combine ingredients.

3. In separate bowl, hand whisk the eggs, maple syrup, shortening and milk.

4. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix until combined. Then mix for 5 minutes on medium-high speed. Batter will resemble a very thick cake batter.

5. Spoon batter into prepared pans. This recipe makes two 9-inch loaves or two 8-inch loaves plus 6 dinner rolls. To make the rolls, use a large ice cream scoop to portion the batter into 6 standard-size muffin cups; then divide remaining batter into two 8-inch bread pans.

6. Using a pastry brush, lightly brush the top of the dough with egg white. Sprinkle gluten-free oats on top.

7. Let dough rise in a warm place for approximately 40 minutes or until nearly doubled in size. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
8. Place bread pans in preheated oven and bake for approximately 30 (for rolls) to 40 minutes (for loaves). Bread is done when internal temperature reads 200 degrees on an instant-read thermometer.

9. Cool bread in pans for 10 minutes. Remove from pans and cool on a rack.

Each serving contains 150 calories, 5g total fat, 2g saturated fat, 0g trans fat, 35mg cholesterol, 231mg sodium, 24g carbohydrate, 1g fiber, 3g protein.

This bread is so delicious!!!  Personally, I believe that I liked it best with the maple syrup.  It seemed to bother my boys that way, so I made it with honey this time.  It is still just as wonderful.  I haven't liked eating bread for a long time, because of the way it made me feel.  Now, I really want to eat bread...I'm not sure if that is good or bad.  Going gluten free has helped me also be able to fit some clothing that I haven't been able to fit for a few years.  I am very excited about that too.  I have lost 13 pounds since I went totally gluten free after Christmas.  I started staying away from gluten in late November/December, but I stopped all together early December.  The family joined me after the first of the year.

Stay tuned for the next few posts to contain recipes that we have enjoyed!  I will be posting the recipe for our Morning Glory Muffins that I found, with our altered substitutions along with pictures.  I will also be including our carob brownies that were a huge hit.  

Blessings!!!  

In His Presence

Have you ever sat and wondered what God sounds like?  Over the last few months, I have learned that many things in my life remind me of God.

As a quiet breeze blows through the cold night air, I sense His presence.  As I sit in my bedroom at night, when everyone is fast asleep....it is there He is listening and waiting.  There are so many places that we can find Him, if we just stop to seek Him.  I wrote a song last fall, when my life took a very different turn that I was just blown away by.  This was the fourth song that I have written, but this song is so different than the others.  I believe this song marks a time in my life......when I was in such awe of what God can do when we are obedient.  I wrote the lyrics in about ten minutes and immediately went to my keyboard and played the tune.  It was a totally God inspired song, which I have named, "In His Presence".  I haven't recorded it yet, I will try to do that soon.  

Although, I was in such an amazed place....it was also the start of a journey to healing for my body.  Shortly before this day, I began breaking out with eczema which itched so intensely some days.....that I wanted to scratch until I bled....and some days, I did just that.  It has been a process of discovery, but the eczema on my body has basically disappeared.  I am however dealing with a new issue, which I can't hide....which I was able to do with the eczema on my body.  I am the process of detoxing my liver.  Through this process I now have a detox rash that is covering the majority of my face and neck.  It was nearly gone until the last few days.  For a moment today, I wanted to believe that everything was normal and I could have sugar again.  Today, I ate a peppermint candy as a breath mint, this was the worst idea ever.  It only contained two things....peppermint oil and sugar.  Unfortunately, I am now completely inflamed again on my face and neck.  What was mostly gone....is now back times ten.  Not only does this rash look quite lovely, but it also itches and hurts.     

The last few months have been a quiet reflective time, in my life.  So many times in our life we spend busy running around with schedules that we just can't keep up with....let alone embrace.  God has taken this time in my life to slow me down....to a crawl!  Not only have I slowed way down, but I feel even more reflective than I have in years.

Looking through some of my old posts, I discovered a post from about a month ago in which, I was feeling totally overwhelmed.  I also discovered that I never posted it.  I wonder why I never posted about feeling overwhelmed???     

Presently however, I am feeling as though I am supposed to keep things in my life simple....  By simple, I mean that my priorities must be God, my family & friends and myself.  I must continue with the tasks that God has prepared me for.  I often find myself wondering if previous commitments are supposed to be broken, but God continues to smooth out all of the rough edges.  I love that God is in complete control of what is going on in my life.  I am able to see His hand in everything that is taking place.  Sometimes, I just wish God would make things happen a little faster in my life(on my schedule).  I know that God's timing is always perfect, but it is so hard to wait for his timing sometimes.  I also know that as long as I stay in His presence, He will continue to work on changing me into the person that He desires me to be and my life into what he wants for me.

Thank you Jesus, for loving me so much that you won't ever leave my side....even when I try so desperately to do things my own way.  

Diet Update

Well, it has been a long time since I have posted.....and an extremely long time since I have posted about our diet.  Many things have changed since I last posted about our diet.

First of all, we have recently gone *gluten free*....because my doctor told me that I had to.  So we are testing gluten out for everyone.  The test isn't going exactly like I had hoped.  It actually reminds me of when we took out dairy, only it seems to be having the same affect on a different child this time.  When we took out dairy, it affected my oldest son the most...which was totally unexpected.  This time, it seems to be affecting my youngest daughter....which I completely didn't expect either.  Everyone loves the new bread that we found, which is very helpful.  We have also tried some gluten free spaghetti noodles with our untomato spaghetti sauce, which we have all come to love!  

We haven't yet tried any treats, because sugar seems to be a huge issue for me.  I am little concerned about trying any substitutes like agave, sucanat, or any other natural sugars.  I haven't had any issues with honey, but my youngest daughter seems to be very salicylate sensitive.  And honey seems to be a huge sensitivity for her.  Hopefully, taking gluten out of our diet will help all of our bellies to heal and reduce so many of our food allergies.

In the last 6 months or so we have removed corn and soy, which seemed to help with so many of the lingering allergies.  We have been able to add some fruits over the last few months.  All of us can't eat each fruit, but some of us can at least eat one or more.  We have added green grapes, cuties, rasberries, strawberries, blueberries, mandarin oranges and oranges.

The boys both willingly accepted the gluten free challenge, which seems to have sweetened both of their spirits.  Gluten wasn't being processed well with either one of them....therefore causing anger issues and frustration issues for both.  Removing it has helped tremendously...not looking forward to testing it....but we will wait until after this weekend to do that.

I have been studying and learning about enzymes and I believe that this intolerance is caused from a lacking of the enzyme amylase.  I am still researching about enzymes, but hoping to find some enzymes that would help our bodies process gluten, starches and sugar better.  These are the things that are broken down from amylase. These also seem to be the things that make me itch.  I have been having huge problems with eczema and hives since before the start of September......many months later.....I am getting closer to eliminating the issue all together...I hope!  :)

The Greatest Man I Ever Knew

Have you ever gone into a situation or a place where you felt you didn't really belong?  You weren't really a part of what had been happening....you were distanced from the situation....so much so that you just can't understand or even begin to share feelings about the situation.  I recently did this.  I have been pondering this for a good week now, but the feelings that I have are still the same.  I don't really know how else to explain how I feel.  

A week ago Wednesday the 10th of November, I lost my Grandfather.  He was the greatest man that I have ever known.  I have so much that I wanted to share about him and so many things that I wanted to share with him.....but God called him to rest.  His pain and suffering is finally over.  Thank you, Jesus! 

The last time that I saw my grandfather was last year at Christmas time.  He was very quiet when we visited last year.

  

He spoke few words and mostly sat in his chair with his eyes closed.  Occasionally, he would open his eyes for a word or two...but mostly he was just quiet.

My Grandpappy as we called him was a truly wonderful, amazing grandfather.  I have so many happy memories of time that my brother and I spent with him biking all over Stockton.  We also went and put out cages/traps for crawdads and then went back and checked them after a certain period of time.  We had so much fun cleaning and then feasting on the crawdads.  He was also big on recycling and on our bicycle journeys, we always collected soda cans and then smashed them and took them to the recycling center to get money.  We collect a lot of cans on our journeys.  My Grandpappy made me many things as a little girl a few of which I have passed on to my youngest daughter, one of these things was a doll bed/cradle.  My Grandmother also contributed a mattress which was sewn for the bottom of the bed.  I also had a doll rocking chair, which he had made for me.  He was very handy at making things, until he lost his sight.  He had macular degeneration.  He was an avid bike rider, until he wasn't able to do so anymore.  Even then, he would walk up and down the hall and living room in his home to keep up his activity.  Over time, this got more difficult.  He was a great Christian leader also.  I remember going to fast food as a child and having to pray before we could eat.  I used to feel embarrassed by this, but a few years ago....we began this same practice with our family.  I really don't remember him being much of a complainer.  He wanted the best for his family and even helped in financially supporting my education and contributing to the future education of my children.  He was truly the greatest man that I ever knew!  He will be greatly missed.        

I really truly believed that I had said goodbye to him last year.  But, something happened in the last week that I just can't explain.  I had all of these intentions of things that I wanted to share, even a song that I was going to sing at his funeral.  But, none of these things happened.  I am not really sure why, but it seems as though.....I was awe struck and I just became numb.  I felt nothing.  I watched others grieve and even tried to comfort them, when inside.....my heart was and is so broken.  Maybe this is because, I just didn't want to say good-bye or maybe just because I didn't want anyone to know how much it hurt to not be a part of everything that has taken place in the last few months.  Maybe I even felt like I didn't deserve to be sad, because I hadn't gone through watching him suffer over the last few months.  I walked into a situation that I felt no part of.  I felt like an outsider in my own family.  I know that this was never anyone's intention....or did anyone do anything to make me feel this way, but it is truly what I experienced in my heart.   

I am not sure that I know where to go from here, because I didn't allow myself to be broken or even hurt when I was home with my family.  I know that my grandfather is in a better place with all of my friends and family that have gone before him, but it still hurts to know that I won't be able to see him again on this earth.   

  

All Things are Possible with God....

Fourteen years ago today(September 7th), I married my best friend....the most amazing husband and father that a girl could ever hope for!  I never would have imagined that I would feel this way three years ago.  I never would have imagined that I would be even more in love with my husband today, than I ever was before. 

My Best Friend

Nearly fifteen years ago, I met my husband in a bar.  Of all places to meet someone, I would have never dreamed this would be the meeting place of my future husband.  The evening that we met, was not unlike many other evenings that I had spent at The Jukebox.  It was a place that I loved to go line dancing.  I generally went by myself, because all of my friends had to work early in the morning.  At that time in my life, I was a medical assistant and my shift was 10AM-7PM.  I really loved this shift, because I was able to sleep in.  On October 22nd, I was persuaded by my roommate to go line dancing.  I was feeling rather down in the dumps that day, and she knew that it would cheer me up.  After being there for a little while, I looked over and noticed a gentleman standing next to me.  Soon after that, we began talking.  After talking for a little bit, we danced to the song, "One Boy, One Girl"  by Colin Raye.  As the evening came to a close, we went our separate ways, but the night would forever be imprinted in our hearts.  Within a week, we had both told people that we loved that we had met the person we would marry.  Within 11 months, we were married.  

It wasn't until years later, that I discovered that Chance only went out that evening to be the designated driver.  He really didn't want to go out either, but was also persuaded by a friend.  It was this persuasion by our close friends that brought us together that special night.     

Our journey over the last fifteen years has been amazing.  We have had some really great times and some times that have left a lot to be desired.  We have made it through these last fifteen years, because of the faith that we had in Jesus.   

In 1995, when we first me we lived in California near my family.  At that time, Chance was still active duty in the Air Force at Beale AFB.  In 1997, while we were still living on base,Taylor was born.  When Taylor was just a little over 2 months old, Chance finished his enlisted time and we moved to Knoxville, Tennessee to be near Chance's father.  While in Tennessee, we ended up with our own Construction business.  We did this for a few years.  In the summer of 1999, Audrianna was born in Knoxville.  After a few years in construction, we decided to leave TN.  In 2000, we moved here to Illinois to settle near some of Chance's family.  He became part of the Air National Guard.  After being in Illinois for only a year or so, we received news about Chance having a daughter named, Sydney.  This was at the end of 2001.  At that time, Sydney was 6 years old.  Shortly after we met her in 2002, Sydney came and lived with us and has been with us ever since.  In 2003, Chance got orders to leave for a year and only ended up being gone for 3 months.  Shortly after he returned, I became pregnant with Jaden, who was born in 2004 in Effingham, IL.  In the month of September 2006, I was able to adopt Sydney and she became my daughter.  In May of 2007, we took Jaden to Los Angeles to have a new ear made.  When Jaden was born, he was born with only an earlobe on one side.  He has a condition called hemifacial-microsomia, which caused this.  He has no canal, but after his surgery he has a beautiful ear.  It is a prosthetic ear, but it has been a blessing.  In May of 2008, we went back for one more surgery to finish up the cosmetic part of his ear.     

God has blessed us so richly with all of our children.  Taylor was our first child and what a blessing that he has been in our lives.  Taylor has such a great sense of humor and works so hard at always trying to make others laugh and to please them.  He has the desire and ability to learn that are simply amazing.  Audrianna was our first daughter and a joy to be blessed with.  Audrianna has a love for life that is simply contagious.  She is a very creative young lady that could make something out of nothing.  Her imagination is so endless that you don't ever have to worry about her being bored, because she is able to always find something to do.  Sydney is our oldest daughter, but our third child.  She has been such an endless gift, since the day that she walked into our lives.  Her love for the Lord and her care and compassion for other people's feelings is truly uplifting.  She is always thinking of others and putting them first.  She is truly wise for such a young lady and has a servant's heart.  Jaden is our youngest son and the last born.  Jaden has only normal hearing out of one ear.  I would have assumed this would keep him from learning as a normal 6-year old.  This has been completely untrue.  Not only has continued to learn at a normal rate, but he has exceeded standards for his age.  His capacity and ability to learn is beyond anything I could have hoped for.  His ability to understand the Bible has totally amazed all of us.  God is so good! 

This evening, my beautiful children decided that Chance and I were going to have a candlelight dinner.  They set up a table downstairs and had the regular table set for the two of us upstairs.  Chance and I were told to get all dressed up.  The kids dressed up as waiters and had a CD player set up with the first song that we ever danced to playing quietly over and over again.  We all had steak, baked potatoes and broccoli.  We had a very nice evening!  

Table set for 2--Kids in waiter outfits

Fifteen years have gone by in the blink of an eye, but they have been filled with memories that I will never forget.  Some of these memories were good and some were less desirable.  The one thing that has been constant throughout these 15 years, was Jesus!  He is the one thing that hasn't ever changed.  Even when things were really bad between us a few years ago, He was there helping us work through things.  We made it through and our relationship is stronger for all of the struggles that we have had.  I am looking forward to the next 15 years.  I hope that we make it at least to 68 years, like my amazing Grandparents!

Grandmother & Grandpappy---68 Years Together (June 2010)

 

May God bless all of your relationships!  And remember ANYTHING is possible with God!             

My Dream (continued from previous post)

My dream ever since I was a very little girl has always been to sing.  To me this dream never really seemed like a reality, but a little girl dream.  I didn't really want to be a rock star or anything, I just wanted to sing.  Singing & music have always brought me such joy.  I have always loved country music.  A few years ago a friend introduced me to Contemporary Christian Music.  I immediately loved it!  This was at the same time that I had gone back to college.   

After I graduated high school, I took a few classes at college and then went to a technical school to become a medical assistant.  It wasn't really what was in my heart, but something practical to support me living on my own...a quick way to have a trade.  Although, I did love helping people!  Music didn't really seem like a field that would be supportive for any kind of career, especially one that involved singing.  So, going down a different path made sense to me at the time.  

Unfortunately, my love of music and singing didn't just fade away.  It just continued to grow in my heart.  It wasn't until I was back in college and my name appeared on a list of people that were supposed to take a music theory test.  This made absolutely no sense, because I wasn't even in a music major and only people that were in music fields had to take this test.  This couldn't have happened by mistake....that out of a class of 35-40 people, I was the only one that wasn't supposed to be on this list and was.  After some thinking and praying, I decided to talk to a counselor and changed my major.  This small mistake from God was my first invitation, that I felt I had no choice but to accept.  I would have never even considered it, if it hadn't happened the way it did.  I ignored what was in my heart, because it didn't seem like my dream was something realistic.   

I spent two semesters pursuing Digital Media w/ Recording as my focus.  Then I spent two semesters pursuing Contemporary Christian Music w/ Recording as my focus.  Then they made a new major called Recording Industry which I had changed to and was going to start last Fall with a minor in Digital Media.  I had decided to do both majors, because I loved both fields and I only need a handful of classes for the minor.  Then God called me home to be with my children and homeschool them, which I also love.  Someday, God willing I will return to get my degree(s).  For now, God has me where he wants me.

Recently, God has placed me as the worship leader for our Worship Band for our new Saturday night service.  It is something that would normally be totally out of my comfort zone, but God has been working so hard on me lately, that I actually have complete peace with my decision.  I keep thinking about how it wouldn't even have been possible, if I hadn't taken the music classes at Greenville College.  God had this all planned out!  I was so upset when I had to quit school, because I had waited so long to pursue my dream.  I look now at where God has placed me and I am in total awe!  God is so amazing!          

Dreams that are bigger than us....

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12

What dreams has God placed in your heart?  Are there things that you have thought about since you were a child?  Do you long to see these dreams come true?  Or maybe like many, you believe that they are only dreams?

Are there things that you enjoy and love to do?  Is there something that every time you hear about it, it makes your heart flutter?  Are there things that you have told yourself....oh, I can only hope for that?  I truly believe that God places dreams in our hearts for a special purpose.  Not only are we to try to follow our dreams, but the purpose that God has intended each of the dreams for.  Sometimes, we may believe that we know the intended purpose of each dream, but until God truly reveals what the plan is....it is difficult to discern what the real reason may be.   

God placed dreams in my heart as a child, which I spent nearly 20 years ignoring.  Why, would I ignore these dreams?  The reasons that I came up with for my dreams, seemed so childish and incompatible with what God could have planned.  I even went back to college after all of the years, I spent running from the dream.  I didn't start back to college to follow my dream, but to try and figure out what else I could do that I would enjoy.  God placed obstacles in my way, to show me what I was missing or ignoring.  He also placed things that encouraged me to follow this dream, no matter how scary it was.  Even though I had talked myself out of the dream in my head, my heart wouldn't let go.  After changing majors two times, God put me smack dab in the middle of where he wanted me.  Then, he did at the time what seemed like the strangest thing, he told me to quit college.  So, I did.  I didn't like it, but it was very clear that it was God's plan.

I believe that God needed me to embrace the dream, that I was ignoring.  In order for me to do that, he had to put me in the middle of it.  He knew I would run from it when he presented it again, if it wasn't deeply embedded in my heart.

Nearly a year ago, I began to feel that God was leading me to be in some type of ministry.  I didn't really understand and the word and idea truly scared me to death.  How can I be in ministry?  What do you mean you want me in ministry?  Then someone even told me that there was something coming, which they thought that I would like.  

A month or so ago, a friend unknowingly told me they were looking for someone, to do something that was really close to my heart.  I immediately jumped at the opportunity, but then I realized that I didn't really even ask for God's blessing.  So, I decided that I should decline, which I did.  I tried desperately to find others to fill this position, but to no avail.  One of the friends that I asked to fill the position, even told me that she believed that, "God had someone else in mind".  For two weeks,  I prayed God would close the door, but it didn't seem to be happening.  This made me even more confused.  One day, another friend called out of the blue and could tell I was upset.  When she asked why, I told her that I was confused.  I proceeded to tell her the story and after some discussion, she told me that it appeared to her that God was blessing me.  I was stunned.  I told her that I wasn't used to God not shutting the door in my face, which has always been my prayer. 

Now, as I sit here and type this....I am still in awe as God unfolds the next part of his plan.  God has placed me smack dab in the middle of my dream and the purpose that he intended for the dream, which he placed in my heart as a little girl.  I am so touched to be a part of God's plan, which is so much bigger and better, than any dream I could have ever come up with.  

God has a plan for each one of us.  We were all created differently, even though some of us may have similar characteristics, talents and abilities.  God made each of us for a specific purpose that only we can fill.  

Are you living the abundant life that God has planned for you?  Matthew 25:29 says, "To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance.  But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away."  

What better time than the present, to start using the gifts and talents that you were given, to glorify God!  As children of God, we are also given spiritual gifts.  Do you know what your gifts are?  Some of your gifts may surprise you!  Why not find out where your strengths are?  Click the link below to take the Spiritual Gifts Test.  God has magnificent plans for each of us, if only we will stop and wait for his direction in our lives.  Have you thought about your childhood dreams lately?  Did you give up on your dreams from childhood?  Have you learned of God's plan for your life?  When will you stop long enough to wait and listen for his direction in your life?  It really is that simple.  God wants to lead us to better things, but we must trust in what we don't know.  Give up your control and let our Father in Heaven...be the driver!  It is never too late to start!  

Don't be afraid to dream big!  Don't ignore the dreams that God places in your heart, because they are obviously there for a reason.  God is the master of all things......and that includes YOU!  Why not start enjoying the blessings that He has for you!      

Hidden in My Heart

As God continues to reveal pieces of my life, I continue to become aware of the feelings that I have never dealt with.  In order to move forward with my life and the purpose that God has for me here, I must deal with the past and determine what my feelings were and what they are now.  Those feelings that I thought would just fade away, over 20 years later they are still the same.  I guess that I never realized what a huge place in my heart that I held for Bob, who recently passed away.  As a child, Bob was the one that showed me what love from a father looks like.  This love looks very different to everyone, but his example was the best representation of fatherly love, that I have received.    

I recently looked through pictures from those years.  As I looked through the pictures, the feelings came flooding back again....in ways that I never dreamed possible.  I will forever cherish this time in my life that was filled with so many happy memories.  I remember exactly how I felt back then.  I felt loved!  I never questioned it.  I didn't have a reason to, because it was obvious.  I saw the love that was shared, even through the drama.  Then one day, it ended.  No looking back.  No good-byes.  Nothing, no more, done.  So I shoved all of those lovely feelings down and I forgot about them over time.  Time and other wounds covered up my true feelings, which I had hidden in my heart.    

I began my own life only a few years after all of this took place.  I moved out when I was seventeen.  I was young & very strong-willed, I needed peace and I didn't have it where I was.  I don't think that I found it right away, because I went searching for love in all the wrong places.  I spent many years making bad choices and going down the wrong path.  I wanted that love back.  I didn't know how to get it back, but I was determined.  

Until one day, I met my husband, Chance.  He was the most amazing person I had ever met.  There was something magical between us.  He filled my heart with what I had been longing for, for so many years.  We both had the same desire and that was to be loved and we found that in each other.  It has been six long weeks, since I have seen my amazing husband.  I really believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I miss him so terribly!  Tomorrow he returns...and I can't wait!   


Over the last year, God has really been working on healing my heart.  I can't really explain how unbelievable this all seems to me.  The thing is....it is very real!  God wants me healed of all of these wounds that I have...and there are so many!  I really can't begin to imagine what is coming next.  All of the things that continue being revealed are things that I didn't even realize had caused me pain.  I would like to say that I am enjoying this journey, but that would be an understatement.  I am not driving, so I guess....I'm just along for the ride.  I am hoping eventually the road will get less bumpy, but I'm afraid that there will be a lot more before it is over.  Thank you, Jesus for working on healing my broken wings....I can't wait to be able to fly again!       

God's Will for My Loss

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.  Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message)

When God says to stop, it leaves me no choice...but to listen!  Every little girl desires to be the beautiful princess that her father talks about.  Every little girl wants her Daddy to be proud of her.  Sometimes, our story doesn't exactly go that way.  My parents were divorced when I was a little girl.  I really don't ever remember them being together.  When I was about 6 or 7 years old, my mother met a man and we spent nearly 10 years enjoying things like camping, fishing, boating, 4 wheeling and many other things.  One day, my mother knew that God was leading her to end this relationship, even though we all loved this man so.  The problem was that he was an alcoholic and it wasn't healthy for any of us to remain in this relationship.  So when I was around 16 years old, the relationship ended.  We never really saw him again.  I never really realized until recently, what a huge impact this had on my life.  

March 7th of this year represented the 14th anniversary of my own father's passing.  I never really got the opportunity to know my father.  The time that I spent with my father was few and far between, but much of that time I spent with him as a child, was not healthy.  I loved my father so and always hoped that I would get the opportunity to have that father-daughter relationship that I so desperately desired.  God had other plans!

My baptism day-with my Daddy on April 1, 1973

It is through this recently loss, that I have been able to identify why I must grieve.  It has been brought to my attention that I have been carrying some pretty heavy things for too many years.  God keeps trying to reassure me that these losses are just earthly, but that doesn't mean that they hurt any less.  

....I still keep wondering why?  Why don't I ever get to experience what a Father-Daughter relationship is supposed to be?  What if I don't really want to grieve?  What if I don't want this to be the end?  What if I don't want to let this go?  Why do I have to?  Why do I have to let my dream go?  

When I was trying to sleep last night, but the tears wouldn't stop falling....I wrote this poem.

 Broken

     Give me joy, through my sorrow.

     Fill my heart for tomorrow.

     Praise your name in my pain,

     and bring me your cleansing rain.

     Show me how to be set free,

     of these bonds that are holding me.

     Release me from this broken place,

     so my heart will feel your grace.

     These chains must go, I'm breaking free.

     This must no longer have a hold on me.

I woke up this morning, wondering how I was supposed to let go of these dreams that I have always had.  You know God always has a way of making you deal with things, even when you don't want to.  I know that God's way is best, but I am still learning that no matter how painful His plan may be...the joy comes on the other side.  

My devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning was titled, "God's Will for Me to Grieve".  Can you believe that?  I just wanted to say, why God?  Why do you want me to grieve so bad?  If I grieve, that means that I have to let go....and I am not so sure that I am ready to do that.  Every time that I think that there isn't possibly anything else that I need to deal with, God brings yet something else up.  I guess that I must have been really good at shoving things down, because the things that he keeps bringing up....I would have never guessed were an issue.  

I am so thankful that God loves me so much, that he would want me to be whole.  As I was writing last night, I was able to identify many emotions or feelings that I have gained or been burdened with from my earthly father relationships/roles.  As I reflect on the past eleven weeks of my 'Breaking Free' bible study, I am able to recognize these feelings as strongholds.  Strongholds can be identified as anything that keeps you from being able to be who God created you to be.  I needed to figure out what these things were so that I could see the importance of grieving.  I guess because it wasn't my father that recently died, I didn't believe that I would feel loss.  The problem is that loss is exactly what I feel.  I am just trying to understand and identify, what the loss is that I am grieving.  I am working on this loss with God.  Over the last few years, I have embraced God as my personal Father.  He may not be an earthly father, but he is an amazing Heavenly Father.  He is really the only one that has ever been in my life constantly.  I believe this is what God has wanted from me all along.  I just have to remember that as I grieve the loss of my earthly fathers, only God can truly be all those things that I need.  It is amazing to me how, no matter what the message starts out as.  I always end up with the same ultimate answer......God is all we truly need!  No earthly person can ever give us the joy and peace that we get from personally knowing God as our Heavenly Father!      

If you are grieving a loss, I urge you to check out the link above which has other resources listed.