In the past two weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I am entirely too hard on myself. It didn't really hit me until the other day, during my bible study when a verse in Galatians was mentioned. The verse is from Galatians 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." This verse speaks such huge volumes to me at this point in my life. Who am I really here to serve? Is my true purpose to please everyone around me, so that I can fit in? It is funny that my words to my children keep ringing so loudly in my ears right now. We are not here to fit in. We are here to be different and to stand out, because that is what we are called to do. I have told my children this over and over, but why am I now trying to do something different. Fitting in is nice and maybe even comfortable, if you want to call it that. The problem is that we can't achieve the true purpose that God has called us for.....if we aren't willing to stand out and be different.
The two weeks before my hubby left were pretty rough for me personally. I believe that I brought most of it on myself though. I felt so pressured to try and get so much stuff done, but in reality.....I didn't get hardly anything done! It is amazing to me how when things get so crazy, instead of clinging to HIM, we just try to do it on our own. You would think that I would have learned that already. I guess not!
God has really been working on me lately. He is teaching me to be patient and wait on HIM.
Why am I in such a hurry to start our school for the year? Maybe it is because I am truly excited and I am hoping to learn something that I didn't as a child. History and Science were not things that I was very good at, but I believe a lot of this was because of traditional schooling....for which I just don't fit. I am learning so much, while learning what would work best for my children and their education. It is amazing to me how I continue to discover more and more about myself as I research & contemplate what will work best for keeping that desire to learn in my children. One of the greatest things about homeschooling is that it becomes a life style. Homeschooling is not a class you take or a textbook you read. It can be, but that is not what I desire it to be. I desire for them to want to know more about things that we come across in our daily lives, which is what learning is all about. We are going to be doing a whole lot of reading this year. I am looking forward to that time together.
I am also hoping that I will learn to wait for your call, Lord....every time. I know only you know what is best for me and for my family. Please give me the courage to be patient and listen for your call.
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