The Greatest Man I Ever Knew

Have you ever gone into a situation or a place where you felt you didn't really belong?  You weren't really a part of what had been happening....you were distanced from the situation....so much so that you just can't understand or even begin to share feelings about the situation.  I recently did this.  I have been pondering this for a good week now, but the feelings that I have are still the same.  I don't really know how else to explain how I feel.  

A week ago Wednesday the 10th of November, I lost my Grandfather.  He was the greatest man that I have ever known.  I have so much that I wanted to share about him and so many things that I wanted to share with him.....but God called him to rest.  His pain and suffering is finally over.  Thank you, Jesus! 

The last time that I saw my grandfather was last year at Christmas time.  He was very quiet when we visited last year.

  

He spoke few words and mostly sat in his chair with his eyes closed.  Occasionally, he would open his eyes for a word or two...but mostly he was just quiet.

My Grandpappy as we called him was a truly wonderful, amazing grandfather.  I have so many happy memories of time that my brother and I spent with him biking all over Stockton.  We also went and put out cages/traps for crawdads and then went back and checked them after a certain period of time.  We had so much fun cleaning and then feasting on the crawdads.  He was also big on recycling and on our bicycle journeys, we always collected soda cans and then smashed them and took them to the recycling center to get money.  We collect a lot of cans on our journeys.  My Grandpappy made me many things as a little girl a few of which I have passed on to my youngest daughter, one of these things was a doll bed/cradle.  My Grandmother also contributed a mattress which was sewn for the bottom of the bed.  I also had a doll rocking chair, which he had made for me.  He was very handy at making things, until he lost his sight.  He had macular degeneration.  He was an avid bike rider, until he wasn't able to do so anymore.  Even then, he would walk up and down the hall and living room in his home to keep up his activity.  Over time, this got more difficult.  He was a great Christian leader also.  I remember going to fast food as a child and having to pray before we could eat.  I used to feel embarrassed by this, but a few years ago....we began this same practice with our family.  I really don't remember him being much of a complainer.  He wanted the best for his family and even helped in financially supporting my education and contributing to the future education of my children.  He was truly the greatest man that I ever knew!  He will be greatly missed.        

I really truly believed that I had said goodbye to him last year.  But, something happened in the last week that I just can't explain.  I had all of these intentions of things that I wanted to share, even a song that I was going to sing at his funeral.  But, none of these things happened.  I am not really sure why, but it seems as though.....I was awe struck and I just became numb.  I felt nothing.  I watched others grieve and even tried to comfort them, when inside.....my heart was and is so broken.  Maybe this is because, I just didn't want to say good-bye or maybe just because I didn't want anyone to know how much it hurt to not be a part of everything that has taken place in the last few months.  Maybe I even felt like I didn't deserve to be sad, because I hadn't gone through watching him suffer over the last few months.  I walked into a situation that I felt no part of.  I felt like an outsider in my own family.  I know that this was never anyone's intention....or did anyone do anything to make me feel this way, but it is truly what I experienced in my heart.   

I am not sure that I know where to go from here, because I didn't allow myself to be broken or even hurt when I was home with my family.  I know that my grandfather is in a better place with all of my friends and family that have gone before him, but it still hurts to know that I won't be able to see him again on this earth.   

  

All Things are Possible with God....

Fourteen years ago today(September 7th), I married my best friend....the most amazing husband and father that a girl could ever hope for!  I never would have imagined that I would feel this way three years ago.  I never would have imagined that I would be even more in love with my husband today, than I ever was before. 

My Best Friend

Nearly fifteen years ago, I met my husband in a bar.  Of all places to meet someone, I would have never dreamed this would be the meeting place of my future husband.  The evening that we met, was not unlike many other evenings that I had spent at The Jukebox.  It was a place that I loved to go line dancing.  I generally went by myself, because all of my friends had to work early in the morning.  At that time in my life, I was a medical assistant and my shift was 10AM-7PM.  I really loved this shift, because I was able to sleep in.  On October 22nd, I was persuaded by my roommate to go line dancing.  I was feeling rather down in the dumps that day, and she knew that it would cheer me up.  After being there for a little while, I looked over and noticed a gentleman standing next to me.  Soon after that, we began talking.  After talking for a little bit, we danced to the song, "One Boy, One Girl"  by Colin Raye.  As the evening came to a close, we went our separate ways, but the night would forever be imprinted in our hearts.  Within a week, we had both told people that we loved that we had met the person we would marry.  Within 11 months, we were married.  

It wasn't until years later, that I discovered that Chance only went out that evening to be the designated driver.  He really didn't want to go out either, but was also persuaded by a friend.  It was this persuasion by our close friends that brought us together that special night.     

Our journey over the last fifteen years has been amazing.  We have had some really great times and some times that have left a lot to be desired.  We have made it through these last fifteen years, because of the faith that we had in Jesus.   

In 1995, when we first me we lived in California near my family.  At that time, Chance was still active duty in the Air Force at Beale AFB.  In 1997, while we were still living on base,Taylor was born.  When Taylor was just a little over 2 months old, Chance finished his enlisted time and we moved to Knoxville, Tennessee to be near Chance's father.  While in Tennessee, we ended up with our own Construction business.  We did this for a few years.  In the summer of 1999, Audrianna was born in Knoxville.  After a few years in construction, we decided to leave TN.  In 2000, we moved here to Illinois to settle near some of Chance's family.  He became part of the Air National Guard.  After being in Illinois for only a year or so, we received news about Chance having a daughter named, Sydney.  This was at the end of 2001.  At that time, Sydney was 6 years old.  Shortly after we met her in 2002, Sydney came and lived with us and has been with us ever since.  In 2003, Chance got orders to leave for a year and only ended up being gone for 3 months.  Shortly after he returned, I became pregnant with Jaden, who was born in 2004 in Effingham, IL.  In the month of September 2006, I was able to adopt Sydney and she became my daughter.  In May of 2007, we took Jaden to Los Angeles to have a new ear made.  When Jaden was born, he was born with only an earlobe on one side.  He has a condition called hemifacial-microsomia, which caused this.  He has no canal, but after his surgery he has a beautiful ear.  It is a prosthetic ear, but it has been a blessing.  In May of 2008, we went back for one more surgery to finish up the cosmetic part of his ear.     

God has blessed us so richly with all of our children.  Taylor was our first child and what a blessing that he has been in our lives.  Taylor has such a great sense of humor and works so hard at always trying to make others laugh and to please them.  He has the desire and ability to learn that are simply amazing.  Audrianna was our first daughter and a joy to be blessed with.  Audrianna has a love for life that is simply contagious.  She is a very creative young lady that could make something out of nothing.  Her imagination is so endless that you don't ever have to worry about her being bored, because she is able to always find something to do.  Sydney is our oldest daughter, but our third child.  She has been such an endless gift, since the day that she walked into our lives.  Her love for the Lord and her care and compassion for other people's feelings is truly uplifting.  She is always thinking of others and putting them first.  She is truly wise for such a young lady and has a servant's heart.  Jaden is our youngest son and the last born.  Jaden has only normal hearing out of one ear.  I would have assumed this would keep him from learning as a normal 6-year old.  This has been completely untrue.  Not only has continued to learn at a normal rate, but he has exceeded standards for his age.  His capacity and ability to learn is beyond anything I could have hoped for.  His ability to understand the Bible has totally amazed all of us.  God is so good! 

This evening, my beautiful children decided that Chance and I were going to have a candlelight dinner.  They set up a table downstairs and had the regular table set for the two of us upstairs.  Chance and I were told to get all dressed up.  The kids dressed up as waiters and had a CD player set up with the first song that we ever danced to playing quietly over and over again.  We all had steak, baked potatoes and broccoli.  We had a very nice evening!  

Table set for 2--Kids in waiter outfits

Fifteen years have gone by in the blink of an eye, but they have been filled with memories that I will never forget.  Some of these memories were good and some were less desirable.  The one thing that has been constant throughout these 15 years, was Jesus!  He is the one thing that hasn't ever changed.  Even when things were really bad between us a few years ago, He was there helping us work through things.  We made it through and our relationship is stronger for all of the struggles that we have had.  I am looking forward to the next 15 years.  I hope that we make it at least to 68 years, like my amazing Grandparents!

Grandmother & Grandpappy---68 Years Together (June 2010)

 

May God bless all of your relationships!  And remember ANYTHING is possible with God!             

My Dream (continued from previous post)

My dream ever since I was a very little girl has always been to sing.  To me this dream never really seemed like a reality, but a little girl dream.  I didn't really want to be a rock star or anything, I just wanted to sing.  Singing & music have always brought me such joy.  I have always loved country music.  A few years ago a friend introduced me to Contemporary Christian Music.  I immediately loved it!  This was at the same time that I had gone back to college.   

After I graduated high school, I took a few classes at college and then went to a technical school to become a medical assistant.  It wasn't really what was in my heart, but something practical to support me living on my own...a quick way to have a trade.  Although, I did love helping people!  Music didn't really seem like a field that would be supportive for any kind of career, especially one that involved singing.  So, going down a different path made sense to me at the time.  

Unfortunately, my love of music and singing didn't just fade away.  It just continued to grow in my heart.  It wasn't until I was back in college and my name appeared on a list of people that were supposed to take a music theory test.  This made absolutely no sense, because I wasn't even in a music major and only people that were in music fields had to take this test.  This couldn't have happened by mistake....that out of a class of 35-40 people, I was the only one that wasn't supposed to be on this list and was.  After some thinking and praying, I decided to talk to a counselor and changed my major.  This small mistake from God was my first invitation, that I felt I had no choice but to accept.  I would have never even considered it, if it hadn't happened the way it did.  I ignored what was in my heart, because it didn't seem like my dream was something realistic.   

I spent two semesters pursuing Digital Media w/ Recording as my focus.  Then I spent two semesters pursuing Contemporary Christian Music w/ Recording as my focus.  Then they made a new major called Recording Industry which I had changed to and was going to start last Fall with a minor in Digital Media.  I had decided to do both majors, because I loved both fields and I only need a handful of classes for the minor.  Then God called me home to be with my children and homeschool them, which I also love.  Someday, God willing I will return to get my degree(s).  For now, God has me where he wants me.

Recently, God has placed me as the worship leader for our Worship Band for our new Saturday night service.  It is something that would normally be totally out of my comfort zone, but God has been working so hard on me lately, that I actually have complete peace with my decision.  I keep thinking about how it wouldn't even have been possible, if I hadn't taken the music classes at Greenville College.  God had this all planned out!  I was so upset when I had to quit school, because I had waited so long to pursue my dream.  I look now at where God has placed me and I am in total awe!  God is so amazing!          

Dreams that are bigger than us....

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12

What dreams has God placed in your heart?  Are there things that you have thought about since you were a child?  Do you long to see these dreams come true?  Or maybe like many, you believe that they are only dreams?

Are there things that you enjoy and love to do?  Is there something that every time you hear about it, it makes your heart flutter?  Are there things that you have told yourself....oh, I can only hope for that?  I truly believe that God places dreams in our hearts for a special purpose.  Not only are we to try to follow our dreams, but the purpose that God has intended each of the dreams for.  Sometimes, we may believe that we know the intended purpose of each dream, but until God truly reveals what the plan is....it is difficult to discern what the real reason may be.   

God placed dreams in my heart as a child, which I spent nearly 20 years ignoring.  Why, would I ignore these dreams?  The reasons that I came up with for my dreams, seemed so childish and incompatible with what God could have planned.  I even went back to college after all of the years, I spent running from the dream.  I didn't start back to college to follow my dream, but to try and figure out what else I could do that I would enjoy.  God placed obstacles in my way, to show me what I was missing or ignoring.  He also placed things that encouraged me to follow this dream, no matter how scary it was.  Even though I had talked myself out of the dream in my head, my heart wouldn't let go.  After changing majors two times, God put me smack dab in the middle of where he wanted me.  Then, he did at the time what seemed like the strangest thing, he told me to quit college.  So, I did.  I didn't like it, but it was very clear that it was God's plan.

I believe that God needed me to embrace the dream, that I was ignoring.  In order for me to do that, he had to put me in the middle of it.  He knew I would run from it when he presented it again, if it wasn't deeply embedded in my heart.

Nearly a year ago, I began to feel that God was leading me to be in some type of ministry.  I didn't really understand and the word and idea truly scared me to death.  How can I be in ministry?  What do you mean you want me in ministry?  Then someone even told me that there was something coming, which they thought that I would like.  

A month or so ago, a friend unknowingly told me they were looking for someone, to do something that was really close to my heart.  I immediately jumped at the opportunity, but then I realized that I didn't really even ask for God's blessing.  So, I decided that I should decline, which I did.  I tried desperately to find others to fill this position, but to no avail.  One of the friends that I asked to fill the position, even told me that she believed that, "God had someone else in mind".  For two weeks,  I prayed God would close the door, but it didn't seem to be happening.  This made me even more confused.  One day, another friend called out of the blue and could tell I was upset.  When she asked why, I told her that I was confused.  I proceeded to tell her the story and after some discussion, she told me that it appeared to her that God was blessing me.  I was stunned.  I told her that I wasn't used to God not shutting the door in my face, which has always been my prayer. 

Now, as I sit here and type this....I am still in awe as God unfolds the next part of his plan.  God has placed me smack dab in the middle of my dream and the purpose that he intended for the dream, which he placed in my heart as a little girl.  I am so touched to be a part of God's plan, which is so much bigger and better, than any dream I could have ever come up with.  

God has a plan for each one of us.  We were all created differently, even though some of us may have similar characteristics, talents and abilities.  God made each of us for a specific purpose that only we can fill.  

Are you living the abundant life that God has planned for you?  Matthew 25:29 says, "To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance.  But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away."  

What better time than the present, to start using the gifts and talents that you were given, to glorify God!  As children of God, we are also given spiritual gifts.  Do you know what your gifts are?  Some of your gifts may surprise you!  Why not find out where your strengths are?  Click the link below to take the Spiritual Gifts Test.  God has magnificent plans for each of us, if only we will stop and wait for his direction in our lives.  Have you thought about your childhood dreams lately?  Did you give up on your dreams from childhood?  Have you learned of God's plan for your life?  When will you stop long enough to wait and listen for his direction in your life?  It really is that simple.  God wants to lead us to better things, but we must trust in what we don't know.  Give up your control and let our Father in Heaven...be the driver!  It is never too late to start!  

Don't be afraid to dream big!  Don't ignore the dreams that God places in your heart, because they are obviously there for a reason.  God is the master of all things......and that includes YOU!  Why not start enjoying the blessings that He has for you!      

Hidden in My Heart

As God continues to reveal pieces of my life, I continue to become aware of the feelings that I have never dealt with.  In order to move forward with my life and the purpose that God has for me here, I must deal with the past and determine what my feelings were and what they are now.  Those feelings that I thought would just fade away, over 20 years later they are still the same.  I guess that I never realized what a huge place in my heart that I held for Bob, who recently passed away.  As a child, Bob was the one that showed me what love from a father looks like.  This love looks very different to everyone, but his example was the best representation of fatherly love, that I have received.    

I recently looked through pictures from those years.  As I looked through the pictures, the feelings came flooding back again....in ways that I never dreamed possible.  I will forever cherish this time in my life that was filled with so many happy memories.  I remember exactly how I felt back then.  I felt loved!  I never questioned it.  I didn't have a reason to, because it was obvious.  I saw the love that was shared, even through the drama.  Then one day, it ended.  No looking back.  No good-byes.  Nothing, no more, done.  So I shoved all of those lovely feelings down and I forgot about them over time.  Time and other wounds covered up my true feelings, which I had hidden in my heart.    

I began my own life only a few years after all of this took place.  I moved out when I was seventeen.  I was young & very strong-willed, I needed peace and I didn't have it where I was.  I don't think that I found it right away, because I went searching for love in all the wrong places.  I spent many years making bad choices and going down the wrong path.  I wanted that love back.  I didn't know how to get it back, but I was determined.  

Until one day, I met my husband, Chance.  He was the most amazing person I had ever met.  There was something magical between us.  He filled my heart with what I had been longing for, for so many years.  We both had the same desire and that was to be loved and we found that in each other.  It has been six long weeks, since I have seen my amazing husband.  I really believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I miss him so terribly!  Tomorrow he returns...and I can't wait!   


Over the last year, God has really been working on healing my heart.  I can't really explain how unbelievable this all seems to me.  The thing is....it is very real!  God wants me healed of all of these wounds that I have...and there are so many!  I really can't begin to imagine what is coming next.  All of the things that continue being revealed are things that I didn't even realize had caused me pain.  I would like to say that I am enjoying this journey, but that would be an understatement.  I am not driving, so I guess....I'm just along for the ride.  I am hoping eventually the road will get less bumpy, but I'm afraid that there will be a lot more before it is over.  Thank you, Jesus for working on healing my broken wings....I can't wait to be able to fly again!       

God's Will for My Loss

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.  Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message)

When God says to stop, it leaves me no choice...but to listen!  Every little girl desires to be the beautiful princess that her father talks about.  Every little girl wants her Daddy to be proud of her.  Sometimes, our story doesn't exactly go that way.  My parents were divorced when I was a little girl.  I really don't ever remember them being together.  When I was about 6 or 7 years old, my mother met a man and we spent nearly 10 years enjoying things like camping, fishing, boating, 4 wheeling and many other things.  One day, my mother knew that God was leading her to end this relationship, even though we all loved this man so.  The problem was that he was an alcoholic and it wasn't healthy for any of us to remain in this relationship.  So when I was around 16 years old, the relationship ended.  We never really saw him again.  I never really realized until recently, what a huge impact this had on my life.  

March 7th of this year represented the 14th anniversary of my own father's passing.  I never really got the opportunity to know my father.  The time that I spent with my father was few and far between, but much of that time I spent with him as a child, was not healthy.  I loved my father so and always hoped that I would get the opportunity to have that father-daughter relationship that I so desperately desired.  God had other plans!

My baptism day-with my Daddy on April 1, 1973

It is through this recently loss, that I have been able to identify why I must grieve.  It has been brought to my attention that I have been carrying some pretty heavy things for too many years.  God keeps trying to reassure me that these losses are just earthly, but that doesn't mean that they hurt any less.  

....I still keep wondering why?  Why don't I ever get to experience what a Father-Daughter relationship is supposed to be?  What if I don't really want to grieve?  What if I don't want this to be the end?  What if I don't want to let this go?  Why do I have to?  Why do I have to let my dream go?  

When I was trying to sleep last night, but the tears wouldn't stop falling....I wrote this poem.

 Broken

     Give me joy, through my sorrow.

     Fill my heart for tomorrow.

     Praise your name in my pain,

     and bring me your cleansing rain.

     Show me how to be set free,

     of these bonds that are holding me.

     Release me from this broken place,

     so my heart will feel your grace.

     These chains must go, I'm breaking free.

     This must no longer have a hold on me.

I woke up this morning, wondering how I was supposed to let go of these dreams that I have always had.  You know God always has a way of making you deal with things, even when you don't want to.  I know that God's way is best, but I am still learning that no matter how painful His plan may be...the joy comes on the other side.  

My devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning was titled, "God's Will for Me to Grieve".  Can you believe that?  I just wanted to say, why God?  Why do you want me to grieve so bad?  If I grieve, that means that I have to let go....and I am not so sure that I am ready to do that.  Every time that I think that there isn't possibly anything else that I need to deal with, God brings yet something else up.  I guess that I must have been really good at shoving things down, because the things that he keeps bringing up....I would have never guessed were an issue.  

I am so thankful that God loves me so much, that he would want me to be whole.  As I was writing last night, I was able to identify many emotions or feelings that I have gained or been burdened with from my earthly father relationships/roles.  As I reflect on the past eleven weeks of my 'Breaking Free' bible study, I am able to recognize these feelings as strongholds.  Strongholds can be identified as anything that keeps you from being able to be who God created you to be.  I needed to figure out what these things were so that I could see the importance of grieving.  I guess because it wasn't my father that recently died, I didn't believe that I would feel loss.  The problem is that loss is exactly what I feel.  I am just trying to understand and identify, what the loss is that I am grieving.  I am working on this loss with God.  Over the last few years, I have embraced God as my personal Father.  He may not be an earthly father, but he is an amazing Heavenly Father.  He is really the only one that has ever been in my life constantly.  I believe this is what God has wanted from me all along.  I just have to remember that as I grieve the loss of my earthly fathers, only God can truly be all those things that I need.  It is amazing to me how, no matter what the message starts out as.  I always end up with the same ultimate answer......God is all we truly need!  No earthly person can ever give us the joy and peace that we get from personally knowing God as our Heavenly Father!      

If you are grieving a loss, I urge you to check out the link above which has other resources listed.     

Oaks of Righteousness

For the last eleven weeks, I have been in a bible study called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore.  This was the first bible study that I have ever attended.  Tonight I finished watching one of the DVDs from week 5, which I had missed.  What is so amazing to me is that I wasn't supposed to watch it during week 5, because I wouldn't have got the same message that I did by watching it tonight.  Tonight was definitely an important one in my journey.  Tonight was about courage.  

Beth Moore truly believes that in order for us to move forward, we must have courage.  We must be ready to fight and stand up and change the future, by not repeating the past.  We must be willing to 'break free' of unhealthy habits and make choices by 'love and not loyalty'.  Something else that was revealed to me in past weeks, is that we can rebuild the ancient ruins.  Isaiah 61:4 reads, "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations."  I feel like this verse actually gives me the permission to make the choices that are necessary to protect my family from the devastation and guide them to a healthier life.  I don't want to remain in the bondage that I have been in all these years.  Nor do I want to pass down these things to future generations.  I want us to be free to be exceptional, just as God has called each of us to be according to Jeremiah 18:11b.  "So turn from your evil ways, each one of you, and reform your ways and your actions."  

I continued to be amazed at how God continues to reveal areas of my life, where I remain in bondage.  This is something God has been working on with me for quite some time.  Experience after experience, he opens doors that were closed or places that were stored away that I was truly unaware of.  There is nothing more precious to me than my freedom, from the things that have held me captive all my life.  Even memories from my life have caused me to live in bondage, for reasons that I didn't even understand until recently.  God wants us to be free! 

In Isaiah 61:3b it says, "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."   God wants us to be free so that he can enjoy us.  He doesn't want us to be captive.  I don't know about you, but I would love to be viewed as a tree, because I think that they are all beautiful.  For months, I have had this strange fascination of trees.  You can ask my kids, they all thought that I was losing it, because of how much I have gone on and on about trees.  I even went as far as decorating in my house, with some beautiful pictures of trees.  I just couldn't seem to get enough of trees.  It didn't really matter what they looked like, I just wanted to look at them and be surrounded by them.  

There is just something so amazing to me about how they look and how they are each so different.  You and I, are those trees!  Each and everyone of us.  God made each of us so different and for a specific purpose.  Not one of us is here to serve the same purpose.  God gave us each unique gifts, that only we have.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in trying to be like everyone else, that we don't see the truth.  The truth of who God created us to be.  What are you good at?  What are your gifts?  If you don't know, ask someone you love.  I am sure that they can tell you, those things that you have as gifts.  

God wants each of us to be planted by truth, so that we can grow and be beautiful.  This is not our own truth, but the truth of his word.  We can't believe the lies that we have always believed.  You are worthless.  You don't deserve to be happy.  You will never amount to anything.  You won't have a long healthy life.  These are just some of the lies, that the enemy tells us.  We can't fall into the same unhealthy traps.  We must be firmly planted in his truth.  "Then.......the truth will set you free."  John 8:32 

We must stand up for what we believe in, and not be persuaded by loyalty.....but by LOVE!  We must not doubt the love that God has for us!  We must trust and know that we are forgiven, even when we aren't ready to forgive ourselves.  We must move forward knowing that we have the ability to do things differently with the strength of God.  God has a specific purpose for you in this lifetime!  If you never seek to figure out what that is, then you will never know, what might have been.  Don't let history, be the deciding factor for your future!  Let's become the beautiful oak trees that God desires us to be.  May God bless your life!                  

A Profound Influence

Can anyone truly understand what a profound influence that someone can make on their life?  Today, I lost someone that I loved.  Now, it wasn't someone that I was close to.  It wasn't someone that I even had contact with.  This person was a part of my life as a child.  I'm pretty sure that most people may not be able to fully understand why this loss has impacted me so much.  This person represented a role in my life that has never really been truly filled.  I guess it just makes the finality of it all the more painful.  Today, I lost the only father figure that I knew.  He was not a perfect person and had his faults just like you and I.  But, he had a heart of gold.  He may not have known how to share this with others, but I saw it masked behind so many things.  It was there.  Sometimes, we become so lost in our pain that we can't find our way out and we do the best that we can to learn how to cope with our circumstances.

The memories that I have during this 9-10 year stretch of my childhood began in the late 70s.  Those memories have filled my head for many years.  Over the last few days, as I learned of his declining health, the memories began to flood into my mind.....like an overflowing well.  During those years, we enjoyed camping, hiking, boating, swimming, four wheeling, and Pismo Beach sand dunning.  There was drama as I'm sure there is in many homes, but that isn't the memory that I carry with me.  I have so many memories that I will treasure always from my childhood.

In the last year, God brought his daughter back into my life after nearly 20 years without contact.  It has been amazing getting to know her after all these years, since we had all the time that we enjoyed during the summers as kids.  We had so much fun riding all over the neighborhood on our bikes.  We had so much fun growing up together!  We formed a bond as sisters, all of those years ago.  I have really enjoying getting to know her more over the last few months.  I honestly feel so blessed to have her back in my life.  She is that sister that God never gave me!  I pray that the closing of this chapter and the memory of her father may bring us to a place of joy and love!  What is in the heart is what truly matters!  God blessings to All!         

Who are you listening to?

In the past two weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I am entirely too hard on myself.  It didn't really hit me until the other day, during my bible study when a verse in Galatians was mentioned.  The verse is from Galatians 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."  This verse speaks such huge volumes to me at this point in my life.  Who am I really here to serve?  Is my true purpose to please everyone around me, so that I can fit in?  It is funny that my words to my children keep ringing so loudly in my ears right now.  We are not here to fit in.  We are here to be different and to stand out, because that is what we are called to do.  I have told my children this over and over, but why am I now trying to do something different.  Fitting in is nice and maybe even comfortable, if you want to call it that.  The problem is that we can't achieve the true purpose that God has called us for.....if we aren't willing to stand out and be different.  

The two weeks before my hubby left were pretty rough for me personally.  I believe that I brought most of it on myself though.  I felt so pressured to try and get so much stuff done, but in reality.....I didn't get hardly anything done!  It is amazing to me how when things get so crazy, instead of clinging to HIM, we just try to do it on our own.  You would think that I would have learned that already.  I guess not!

God has really been working on me lately.  He is teaching me to be patient and wait on HIM.  

Why am I in such a hurry to start our school for the year?  Maybe it is because I am truly excited and I am hoping to learn something that I didn't as a child.  History and Science were not things that I was very good at, but I believe a lot of this was because of traditional schooling....for which I just don't fit.  I am learning so much, while learning what would work best for my children and their education.  It is amazing to me how I continue to discover more and more about myself as I research & contemplate what will work best for keeping that desire to learn in my children.  One of the greatest things about homeschooling is that it becomes a life style.  Homeschooling is not a class you take or a  textbook you read.  It can be, but that is not what I desire it to be.  I desire for them to want to know more about things that we come across in our daily lives, which is what learning is all about.  We are going to be doing a whole lot of reading this year.  I am looking forward to that time together.  

I am also hoping that I will learn to wait for your call, Lord....every time.  I know only you know what is best for me and for my family.  Please give me the courage to be patient and listen for your call.

Overwhelmed with Organization

Have you ever wonder how others are so organized?  I wonder this all the time.  Every time I think that I am organized, I discover that I am not.  So, how do you organize your house?  I have always tried to give everything in my house its own home.  I know that it is a system that has worked really well for my family and in my life.  You see, in my mind everything is so disorganized and sometimes it takes me getting it organized to find the true purpose for everything.

I have never been a meal planner until the last year or so.  We sometimes would schedule two weeks worth of meals, but never on a consistent basis.  I know that getting my household organized is the key to making everything successful.  I just seem to be having a real issue trying to figure out how to accomplish this task.

I am thinking that I need to make a list of our frequently used meals and place it in the front of our Feingold Style Recipes cookbook that I made.  We are constantly trying new meals, but we have some that we make over and over, because we love them so much.  I really love my Better Homes & Gardens cookbook that I got for Christmas.  We have found so many recipes that we can adjust according to our special diet-Feingold.  I have found some different links for menu planners and I have heard great things about Flylady.  I am really looking forward to exploring these avenues more.  I have also heard others talk of freezing meals for a month.  I think this is great, but I am not sure how or when I would do this.  I think that I would like to try some of these ideas, but getting them started....seems to be the issue.   

I have also been trying to figure out how I will plan out our curriculum in a schedule.  I will admit, schedules scare me to death.  It isn't that I don't like them, because I do need some structure.  The problem is that I feel like I could never stick to a schedule and then I feel like I failed.  So, how do you give your children the structure that they need to make good habits, yet give yourself the freedom to not feel tied to the schedule.  I am just not sure how to complete this.  I have purchased 95% of what we will be using for our curriculum for homeschooling this year.  We are going to be taking a totally different approach this year and going towards the Charlotte Mason methods.  My children love to read and some of the children don't learn well in the traditional ways taught in the school system.  In order to give all of my children an education that fits well with each of them, I have decided that Charlotte Mason seems to fit what we are looking for.  A lot of CM is based on reading.  Reading in my house is not a chore or a task, but a love....for all!  We have begun and will continue reading books that are considered "living books".  We are trying to weed out all of our books which contain "twaddle".  According to Charlotte Mason, books that are living books fill children with the idea of how good writing should be.  I have really enjoyed getting to know what the Charlotte Mason philosophy is.  One resource that greatly helped me was The Charlotte Mason All Day Seminar.  The great books that I read, which also helped to give me a starting view of this approach were A Charlotte Mason Education & A Charlotte Mason Companion.  Both of these books were great resources for someone starting out with this new method.  I know that the Simply Charlotte Mason website has an online planner, but I haven't tried that yet.  I need to figure something out quickly, because time doesn't seem to be on my side lately.  I am good at organizing, but this seems to be getting the best of me.  How do I schedule all of the stuff for 4 kids and make it all work together?  I know that I can do this.....just not quite sure how...right at the moment!       

I have been very fortunate to find many of my books on Ebay at a huge discounted cost.  I am always out for a bargain.  I have also been able to utilize Ebay as a great place to sell many of my old books and homeschooling things.  This is another area that I need to get organized.  I seem to have so many things that I want to list and yet, my time seems so scattered to do this.

What about all the books that I have to read?  I have a ton of books that I have started and that I want to read, but I am just not sure where to fit in the time to get this done.

These are all the things that I can think of right now that need to be organized, but I am just not sure where to start and how to get everything situated.  Have you ever felt this overwhelmed?  Well, I guess the pressure of having a child in High School is enough to make you feel a little panicky!  If anyone has any suggestions of how to get all of these things organized, I would love to hear them!

Things taken for granted...

You would think that having sloppy joes wouldn't be a big deal. When we were still eating mostly packaged store bought ingredients...it was a quick meal.

The reality is that when you have an food allergy and you can't find any buns that do not contain things you are allergic to. This becomes somewhat of a complicated task. I had been struggling with wanting to make some hamburger buns, but I couldn't seem to find the time to dedicate to the task. Well, the other day I had enough and I was bound and determined that we were going to have sloppy joes. I spent quite a few afternoon hours on Sunday, working on my precious hamburger buns.

I was so proud of how they turned out and they were gone in a flash. Luckily, I took pictures!  Here is where you can find the recipe for the hamburger buns, which came from the Better Homes and Garden cookbook.  I absolutely love this cookbook!  We normally make sloppy joes that aren't tomato based.  We really love this recipe and have been using it for years.

Sloppy Joes

Brown the following ingredients.

2 lbs hamburger

1 medium size onion-chopped up

1 clove garlic

1 tsp basil

Cream of Mushroom Sauce

2 Cups milk(we use Rice Dream Rice Milk)

4 Tablespoons margarine(Earth Balance-soy free)

4 Tablespoons flour

1 small can mushrooms-pieces and stems

1 tsp salt

While hamburger is browning, in a separate sauce pan melt 4 Tablespoons butter/margarine over low heat.  After the butter has melted, add 4 Tablespoons of flour, until the flour is dissolved.  Add 2 Cups of milk and turn the heat back up to high.  Over high heat, whisk the mixture until it thickens and remove from heat.  Add at least 1 tsp salt and 1 small can of mushrooms-food processed.  After hamburger is browned, drain the grease.  Add the cream sauce to your hamburger and heat on low for at least 10 minutes.  Serve with homemade buns.  Yummy!    

Continued journey...

Well, our journey continues as we are still working to find all of our allergies from stage one. We would really like to be able to try some stage 2 foods. In order to do this, we must figure out what is causing problems among the stage 1 foods.

Recently, we discovered that corn seems to be causing issues for the three youngest kids. Corn is definitely not a fun allergy. Corn is in everything. After trying to find a baking powder without cornstarch, and having no luck. I searched and found a recipe for homemade baking powder that we substituted the cornstarch with potato starch. This seems to work just fine. Some of the foods that contain corn are: butter/margarine, baking powder, chips, cereals, and breads. There are many other foods which contain derivatives of corn. We haven't had to eliminate those, yet. We are still working towards being reaction free for a week. We haven't actually had that occur yet.

We have recently discovered soy is an issue for the boys and possibly the girls. It is very obvious for the boys, but not quite that way with the girls. Soy is also in so many things. Soy can be in butter/margarine, pretzels, soy sauce, mayonnaise and so many other foods. We are working towards eliminating all sources of both, but this is a little overwhelming some days.

So here is a run down of our current allergies or things we avoid. We avoid molasses, malted barley, dairy, soy, corn, most citric acid, sulfites, MSG, and nitrites. We also avoid some stage 1 fruits which have caused problems or reactions, such as kiwi, pineapple, and grapefruit. I recently had an issue with a watermelon, but it was from Mexico and bothered another family member(not of my immediate 6) who is sensitive to stuff they spray on some watermelon. We will try a more locally grown one and see if it causes the same problem. We also avoid tomatoes, because of one of my kids severe reaction to some tomatoes. We are planning to test some stage 2 fruits and veggies this summer. Hopefully, we will have successful tests. We did test apples, but that test didn't go over well for the kids. I am able to have an organic peeled granny smith apple, but I can't have apples to close together...or I react from buildup of salicylates.

It is hard to believe that we have been on Feingold for nearly 8 months. It is also hard to believe that we haven't had any fast food since September. I actually really don't miss it, like I would have originally thought that I would. We have been making most foods from scratch, which I actually really enjoy. We are learning to enjoy many new foods...that we wouldn't have tried before. I am so glad to be on this journey. I praise God for all of the information we have learned and gained from our experiences. Our family has changed so much and we are thankful for this opportunity to learn so much about health and how food affects different things.

We look forward to trying new things in the months to come...until then. Blessings!

Second Chances.....

Have you ever walked down a path that you wish you could erase? Have you ever taken a journey that you wish to forget? Well, I am sure that many of you can relate to those feelings. I know those feelings all to well. There are so many choices in my life that I wish could be erased. But, as I stand here now as a witness....I realize that God doesn't ever give us more than we can handle. We are dealt cards that He wants us to have for whatever reason. All of the things that we go through are leading us to something better. It is when you accept the choices and the consequences that you are able to grow and change. God loves each of us and wants a better life for all of us.

I believe that sometimes God brings us back to a certain place to give us the opportunity to make a different choice. I would have never believed it, if I wasn't walking there currently. I am so thankful that I am not in the same place that I was in 3 years ago. God used my situation to draw me close to him.....just as he is using this long month away from my husband to draw me near to him now. I now remember how uncomfortable it was to be there before, but I feel so blessed to know that I can seek God with all of my heart and find Him now.

So many people struggle from this same battle, but they don't know what to do. So they seek comfort in food, alcohol, drugs...and even in other people. There really is a better way....His name is Jesus. He is the most amazing father that you could ever have! He will never leave you or forsake you. He will always be there, no matter what mistakes you make. He loves you just the same! Many times, the struggles that we faced as children come with us as adults. God wants us to be healed of those wounds. He wants us to be whole again. He wants the whole world to know how much he loves each of us. We just have to, say yes! There is nothing that you have to do, to earn his love! We are loved, because He is God...and we are His children.

Seeking happiness in things or other people will only lead to heartache. The only thing that can truly fill that empty place in your heart...is Jesus. If you seek Him, you will find Him waiting with open arms to receive you.

I pray that God will meet you where you are and that your life will never be the same.....in Jesus name. Amen.

Choices

Have you ever had a really tough decision to make, but you weren't really sure what was the right choice? For the last few days, I have had some tough choices thrown at me. I sent out some emails, seeking Godly advice from some of my closest friends. Overall, I got the same answers from most. But still I have been struggling with what that right decision was. This morning I woke up to David Jeremiah on my alarm clock radio. I normally turn it off when it comes on and get up. But today, something amazing happened....as I lay there and continued to listen....one of the answers to the many questions that have been floating through my head came in the voice of a stranger...who was speaking about Heaven. I welcomed his answers as he spoke from different places in the bible and how this answer was based on these passages.

As I would love to say that I am totally at peace with everything, there is still a huge part of me that is struggling. Although, I am more at ease about things....it is just amazing to me how God continues to speak to us, when we seek His will in our lives.

Some success stories.....

For those of you that have been following my blog, you know that we have been testing things in and out. A few weeks ago, we decided that we needed to test out benzoates, because of a known sensitivity that Audrianna had to cinnamon. When she was exposed to cinnamon early on in our new diet, we noted that her concentration was markedly affected. She has been avoiding cinnamon, since that time. We recently decided to see if it was just cinnamon that she was sensitive too, or if the other natural benzoates were also an issue. When I say natural benzoates, I am speaking of foods that contain naturally occurring benzoates which includes: blueberries, broccoli, cauliflower, cinnamon, cranberries, ginger, green grapes, greengage plums, green peas, licorice extract, ripe olives, spinach and tea. Some of these included are stage 1 and some of these are stage 2. Benzoates can also be found in food, as a preservative. So for a couple of weeks, we removed all of the benzoates from our diet and waited. Then we reintroduced them back into our diet. And this time to our amazement, we didn't react. Removing benzoates seemed to have virtually no affect on us. I haven't tried to reintroduce cinnamon with Audrianna to see if the issue still exists, because I am fairly certain that it does. This was a successful test, with great results!

We did report a failed test with an unpeeled organic golden delicious apple, before we did the benzoates testing. This was very disappointing to all of us. The funny thing is the same day that I purchased the golden delicious apple, I also purchased a granny smith apple. One day short of having it for a month, we decided to test the organic granny smith apple. The apple looked virtually the same, as it did the day that I purchased it from Whole Foods. This time we decided that we should peel the apple, because the majority of the salicylates are thought to be in the skin. This time some how, we were successful and no one reacted to the apple. So needless to say, we will be testing some more organic granny smith apples that are peeled. It was such a small amount, because we shared the apple between six of us. So this time, we will try a couple apples and hopefully we will have the same results. I will say that it was very exciting to not end up being sensitive to something we once loved.

Our testing is going well for the most part. We are nearing another testing, as Jaden seems to be very sensitive to something. Thanks to our charting, I believe that I have put my finger on it. This will be a bigger test....because it involves eliminating corn. We are going to ease into this one. This isn't the first time that I have suspected corn with him. I actually believed in the very beginning that it was something he was sensitive to. Then we found an alternative cause and thought that corn was no longer the issue. Over the last few weeks, corn has become pretty prominent in the kids diet with snacks, such as popcorn, corn chips and fritos. I believe once again that CORN just might be the issue. So, we will do the best we can to slowly eliminate those things which contain corn. I guess I would rather eliminate corn than gluten. That is the other thing that we have been contemplating eliminating. Wish us luck with our new test.

Homeschooling is going really well for us. I have created workboxes for each of the kids. It is a concept that I read about on one of the homeschool groups that I belong too. The workbox system was started by a lady named Sue Patrick. It was created to help her oldest son who had autism. If you would like to learn more about it, check out her website for more info about workboxes.. There are so many different ways that you can adjust the system to fit the needs of your family. I have created these great boxes and I fill them each evening and it makes our days go so much smoother. I believe that the kids are really enjoying it too. It also helps me to get the fun things into their day, that I had a hard time fitting in.....in the past. It also makes it easier for each of the kids to see what they have left to do for the day.



We are enjoying cooking, baking, watching educational films together and just learning more about God's creation. Learning is so much fun when you do it together! Jaden is such a wiz at math and was really bored with it, so we have gone all the way through his Kindergarten math book and now we are working on first grade math. It is so nice to be able to work at your child's pace and not put them in a box and try to make them fit. I love watching each of the kid's faces light up when a new concept is learned. I truly love having them home to be schooled......it is one of God's biggest blessings to our family. We have also been blessed with an amazing home-school group and a wonderful group of kids. I know that I wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for the love and support of the wonderful women of our home-school group.

While You Were Sleeping

Have you ever been hit so hard by a song that you just don't quite understand why the impact is so great? This happened to me nearly two months ago. Last winter after Christmas, I went into the Christian bookstore in town to get a gift for someone. While I was browsing, I came across two Christmas CDs on clearance, of two of my favorite artists: Casting Crowns and BarlowGirl. So, I purchased both of them. I never even opened the CDs until around Thanksgiving time this year. While we were decorating the tree this year, we were playing our new and old Christmas music. We have done this for years, so it was nothing new to anyone. After a little while, this song comes on the stereo, that I haven't ever heard. I don't know what it was about the tune, but I was automatically drawn to the piano. So, I sat down and starting playing some of the chords. This is something that I never do, without printed chords. Something about it just drew me in. Over the next few weeks, we as a family began to listen to this CD a great deal. I am not sure what it is about this song, but our family seems to love this song(maybe because when we like songs we play them over and over). We did listen to the song on our trip to and from California over and over....along with the whole Cd. I'm sure by now, you are all wondering what in the world this song could be.

First, I would like to paint the picture of the time when this song takes place. It takes place in a tiny town that is very quiet and dark, but a bright star is shining in the sky. This song is of Bethlehem. But this song is so much more than that. It is about us as a nation, not paying attention and going on with life. And all the while Jesus comes back and we miss it, because we are too wrapped up in our own stuff to pay attention. The whole idea behind this song is amazing to me! This song is a constant reminder to me that we are to be the salt and light of the world, and not try to fit in and be like the world. We are to be different. Different doesn't need to be bad. And we aren't necessarily supposed to be comfortable. We are supposed to be uncomfortable for Jesus! After all, He was uncomfortable for us when He died for us.

Are you walking through your life at such a fast pace that you are missing all the little things that are happening around you? Are you cherishing each moment with those you love? Or are you so busy that you don't know which way you are going? Do you ever stop and just listen, or do you have noise going on constantly? It is hard to hear what He might be telling you, if you never have any quiet time. This reminds me of something that a friend pointed out tonight. A friend was commenting on how she never uses her good silverware, because it is special. Then, she went on to ask, "when are we special enough to use our special silverware?" What happens if we never use it? Is it really even worth having it, if it just sits in the cupboard?

I believe that now is the perfect time to mend those relationships that have been broken or strained. Sit down and write that letter that you have been meaning to write. Call an old friend and visit for a few hours. Why wait for tomorrow, what is wrong with today? Why get stuck in that rut, when you could change someone's life today? Is the pain of losing someone really better than trying to communicate through the problems and work through it? What will you choose?

The last six months have definitely been my wake up call. I have been so blessed beyond measure by bringing my children home to be schooled. You know when you make such a huge choice, sometimes you battle yourself. I have had to complete let go of control of the things that I can't change. I know that I am only a keeper of my children. God is their father and He is the one in charge. Bringing them home and letting God show me slowly what I am to be doing and not having it all laid out hasn't been easy. But the peace that I am getting, is far better than any plan I could have come up with.

I spent the past two years before that trying to change my future into what I thought it was supposed to be. I did consult God, but He kept changing things the whole time I was in school. Then when He suddenly told me to come home and bring my youngest daughter home.....without a second thought, I said okay. Okay, I did struggle for 24hrs or so, but that is exactly what I did. It isn't that I wasn't supposed to be in school, but the time wasn't right. God has already shown me some of the benefits and reasons for my partial education. Maybe part of it was just to reinforce in me, that love of learning that I already had. Someday, God willing...I will get a degree. I know that God is constantly changing our path and it may seem that one direction is the right way, when all of a sudden you make a U-turn and then you are back where you started. Maybe this is because you were on the right path and YOU chose to change it, not God....or maybe that is just my way of looking at it. Who knows? I know that all paths are bumpy and nobody gets a smooth straight road. So, when your road is bumpy or curved....just remember it will get better eventually!

I am going to include the song from YouTube. The song was written by Casting Crowns and is on their Peace on Earth CD. The name of the song is, "While You Were Sleeping". This song has been so heavy on my heart for two months...so I knew it was time that I posted something.

I pray that this song will touch your heart in the same way that it has touched mine! May God add His richest blessings to each and everyone of your lives!

Change is not always bad, but it is always different.

Well, life as we knew it seems to be drastically changing as far as our eating goes. The last time I blogged about our diet, I noted that we were dairy free. We are doing rather well with our new milks. We are currently drinking rice milk and coconut milk. Most of the family likes rice milk, but a few of us prefer the coconut milk instead. I personally love coconut milk! It is very yummy, especially since I know that dairy makes me angry, as a reaction. We have since tried tomatoes and an organic golden delicious apple. Both of these tests were rather unsuccessful. I was really surprised by my reaction. Both fruits that I have tried that were stage 2 affected me the same way. Both the apple and the cranberries that I tried made me sad and feel depressed. I didn't initially realize that it was a reaction when I tried the cranberries, until I got the opinions of others that had the same type of reactions to different foods. I had this same reaction to the apple. Very odd, but maybe this is why depression has been something that I have struggled with for a lot of my life. My youngest daughter had the same reaction to the apple that I had. It was odd to say the least. I think that we are going to hold off on any more stage 2 foods for awhile. We are all tired of the let down that happens when we all react. It is very disappointing.

Our lists of things that we avoid seems to be growing. We avoid dairy, malted barley, molasses, corn syrup, nitrites, MSG, tomatoes, apples, and sulfites(because of my extreme allergy to sulfa-which is related to sulfites). There are a few things that we believe are sensitivities, but we still need to retest to be sure. Those things include honey, maple syrup, grapefruit, and kiwi. Chocolate/cocoa seems to also be causing some issues for the majority of us too, which is frustrating. We are avoiding these sensitivities for the time being. We are still on stage one as I am sure you could imagine from our growing list of stage one issues. We are just hoping that someday we can go more than 3-4 days without anyone reacting. It has happened yet, since before Christmas. And even before Christmas about 5 days was the longest amount without any reactions. I guess when you have 6 sensitive people in a family, it is easy for someone to be reacting all the time. I haven't been faithful about charting like I was before we left.

I can say that with dairy and tomatoes out...many of my favorite recipes are out. One of my favorite types of food is/was Mexican food. I haven't quite figured out how to fix that, but I am not going to worry about things that I can't change right now. But what I will tell you, is that we have discovered some new recipes that we really do like. Our favorite recipe is probably White Chicken Chili. It isn't the same as regular chili which we loved, but tastes really good.

We are currently testing out benzoates. We have been doing this for nearly 1 week. Cinnamon is something that caused issues for one of the kids. So, we are testing all of the benzoates to see if any of the others cause the same problems. So far, I am not seeing a huge difference in anyone. But we will keep on this for another week or so and see what happens. I will be ready for this test to end. Some of the common benzoates that are found naturally in food are in broccoli, cauliflower, peas, ripe black olives, cinnamon, green grapes(S2), purple plums(S2), cranberries(which I reacted to-S2), and blueberries(S2). We are really missing broccoli and cauliflower, so hopeful there will not be a reaction when we reintroduce. Benzoates can also be found as a preservative in many foods and beauty products. It is generally listed as paraben or another type of .....ben in beauty products. It can be listed as benzoic acid, but usually contains the ben somewhere in the word.

I am sure all of what we are doing sounds a little crazy to most. I would have to agree it does sound crazy. The thing is that I am doing this for my child who has such a hard time focusing and it has been such a benefit for all of us, including myself. I know everyday that I am not doing this in my strength, but in the strength of the Lord, for without HIM.....I wouldn't be able to do this. Some days, it is extremely frustrating. But other days, it is extremely rewarding to see how avoiding some specific food can change your whole life and that I actually have control over my anger and frustration. I am not generally a yeller, but boy when I am reacting...watch out! I am human just like the rest of you and I make mistakes just like everyone else. I just want what is best for my family and it seems as though this road is working for us.

We are in the process of looking into some different supplements to help, but I have to be able to convince my needle shy child to be prepared for that road....before we can walk down it. We have been talking, but she doesn't like doctors to begin with....and most visits are not simple. I am just praying that soon she will have the peace to be able to go and be brave. We need base levels, before we begin any sort of supplementation.

The last few months have been pretty amazing. We went to California for Christmas and returned home a few days after the new year. We pulled the three other kids out of private school before Christmas, and I am currently home-schooling all of the kids now. It has been an interesting journey and we are just trying to figure out what works best for each of them and get into some sort of schedule. I know that the kids love being home. The kids have been able to meet some great kids in our home-schooling group that meets at our church. They are getting more involved and have been spending quite a bit of time with them. We are pleased as these friendships are important, especially through the preteen/teen years. I also attended a great meeting last night with a home-school group through the base. It was really nice to meet all the neat moms and hear about what things were working for their families. I really like hearing about what works and doesn't work for others, especially when you haven't found that magic formula. I know that everything takes time and I am not working on my time, but on God's time. I am being patient and trying to just push through things.

I know that without the support of some great friends and family, life wouldn't be the same. I appreciate all of the prayers and words of support that you have given me. They mean the world to me!

I am thinking of starting a new blog that will be linked to this one, but it will be more of our journey with homeschooling and more family oriented. I like blogging, because it allows me the opportunity to express myself and put everything into words that sometimes just floats around in my head for long periods of time. By writing things down, it frees up space in my head. So there you have it, I blog to make more room. Maybe it is stuff that I want to share, but calling everyone that I would want to share with....just isn't practical these days. So, this is my mode of messaging all at one time. Comments are welcome, please leave me comments if you like. I like feedback. Well, I will close for now. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to come check out what is happening with us. Be blessed!!!

~Jenielle