As God continues to reveal pieces of my life, I continue to become aware of the feelings that I have never dealt with. In order to move forward with my life and the purpose that God has for me here, I must deal with the past and determine what my feelings were and what they are now. Those feelings that I thought would just fade away, over 20 years later they are still the same. I guess that I never realized what a huge place in my heart that I held for Bob, who recently passed away. As a child, Bob was the one that showed me what love from a father looks like. This love looks very different to everyone, but his example was the best representation of fatherly love, that I have received.
I recently looked through pictures from those years. As I looked through the pictures, the feelings came flooding back again....in ways that I never dreamed possible. I will forever cherish this time in my life that was filled with so many happy memories. I remember exactly how I felt back then. I felt loved! I never questioned it. I didn't have a reason to, because it was obvious. I saw the love that was shared, even through the drama. Then one day, it ended. No looking back. No good-byes. Nothing, no more, done. So I shoved all of those lovely feelings down and I forgot about them over time. Time and other wounds covered up my true feelings, which I had hidden in my heart.
I began my own life only a few years after all of this took place. I moved out when I was seventeen. I was young & very strong-willed, I needed peace and I didn't have it where I was. I don't think that I found it right away, because I went searching for love in all the wrong places. I spent many years making bad choices and going down the wrong path. I wanted that love back. I didn't know how to get it back, but I was determined.
Until one day, I met my husband, Chance. He was the most amazing person I had ever met. There was something magical between us. He filled my heart with what I had been longing for, for so many years. We both had the same desire and that was to be loved and we found that in each other. It has been six long weeks, since I have seen my amazing husband. I really believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. I miss him so terribly! Tomorrow he returns...and I can't wait!
Over the last year, God has really been working on healing my heart. I can't really explain how unbelievable this all seems to me. The thing is....it is very real! God wants me healed of all of these wounds that I have...and there are so many! I really can't begin to imagine what is coming next. All of the things that continue being revealed are things that I didn't even realize had caused me pain. I would like to say that I am enjoying this journey, but that would be an understatement. I am not driving, so I guess....I'm just along for the ride. I am hoping eventually the road will get less bumpy, but I'm afraid that there will be a lot more before it is over. Thank you, Jesus for working on healing my broken wings....I can't wait to be able to fly again!
